Internet Zillionaire

Well, we have just a few short days left, and the wedding planning is in full swing. There is an ungodly amount of details to organize and plan, at least that is what my fiancé tells me while I’m playing XBox. Anyway, in the next few days leading up to the wedding I thought I’d share some quick thoughts and wedding observations, starting with…

Vellum Paper: Allow me to define this: Vellum is a clear, delicate, thin piece of paper suitable for printing fancy invitations on. Actually, this is its only function. Think wax paper, but 80 times more expensive. I really don’t know exactly how this product is created, but based on its price, apparently it is pulled from mines deep in the earth’s core. Naturally, my fiancé decided to corner the vellum market and buy about three quarters of the world’s supply to do our invitations. I’m very excited to be getting married, but sometimes I think wistfully back to my bachelor days, when the bulk of my hard-earned paycheck wasn’t going towards the purchase of massive quantities of vellum.

When I suggested we use a cheaper alternative to vellum, like making our invitations out of hundred dollar bills, it was instantly rejected. Of course, I didn’t want to send out traditional invitations in the first place. “Too postage-intensive,” I thought. In this day and age, I was really hoping it would be socially acceptable to just send out a massive wedding email to our guests. I considered even scheduling an appointment through Outlook, so that everyone would get a nice pop-up reminder 15 minutes before the wedding.

Sadly, my ideas were completely ignored, as my fiancé was too busy agonizing over the fact that our invitations didn’t include an inner envelope. Of course, this “inner envelope” isn’t sealed or addressed, it is merely decorative. It seemed kind of ridiculous to mail an otherwise perfectly good envelope to all of our guests, but evidently we are expected to include random office supplies with each invitation.

Anyway, I’m sure you can imagine how this story ends. While my ideas were practical, efficient and cost-effective, they simply failed to somehow incorporate vellum into the equation. And so, regrettably, none of our guests had their invitation text-messaged to them on their cell phone.

More to follow…