Internet Zillionaire

Good one. You forgot to get a Valentine’s Day gift for your wife or girlfriend. I’ve been there myself. The good news is you can survive this. Just don’t panic. And whatever you do, don’t use one of the excuses below:

1. “I thought we were saving money right now?”
The classic excuse. Unfortunately, this isn’t your call. Your wife dictates when you are saving money, usually by vetoing the purchase of new golf clubs or an Xbox 360. Women can be quite frugal in this regard. Sadly, this option doesn’t exempt you from getting her a gift. If anything, since you’re intent on saving money, she’ll question why you didn’t get her a 30-year savings bond for Valentine’s Day.

2. “I thought Valentine’s Day didn’t apply once you were actually married.”
It does seem kind of pointless. I guarantee there are some newlywed men out there are nodding in agreement on this one. Unfortunately, they will learn this lesson the hard way.

3. “You know, they double the price of flowers on Valentine’s Day.”
Look, I’m willing to be gouged at Chevron, because gas is useful. Same with Comcast, because cable TV is a necessity. But I refuse to be gouged at the florist. It’s a matter of principle.

4. “I thought you wanted to just have a quiet dinner alone, just the two of us.”
Of course, we all know she means a quiet dinner in a crowded restaurant.

5. “You know I don’t want to be spotted shopping at Hallmark.”
If there’s one thing your wife is not concerned with, it’s preserving your street cred.

6. “Aren’t you too old for stuffed animals anyway?”
I strongly advise against using this one. Also, don’t suggest that she’s too fat to receive candy or too homely for lingerie. If nothing else, steer clear of this excuse simply to avoid having to remove something sharp and pointy from your eye socket.

7. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget. I’ve got a big surprise planned for this weekend!
Let the web of lies begin! Use this option only as a last resort. This excuse will buy you some time, at the expense of significantly higher expectations. Normally I’d say you couldn’t live up to them. On the other hand, if you’re seriously consulting this list, chances are her standards are already pretty low.

Good luck gentlemen. And Happy Valentine’s Day Jnet.

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