Comments on: Cutting the Cord

By: Ryan

Ryan — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:54:01 +0000

I know my father used his lightsaber and I will continue to follow the family tradition, even though my father turned to the darkside, its still something we hold dear.

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 23:14:03 +0000

It’s of course a great idea.I’ve just finished my own knife out of stainless round stock that I forged myself.The blade is only about 3 inches long but it’s razor sharp and should do the job well I hope.I just wish there was something similar to an umbilical cord that I could cut to make sure of it.Besides that though it’s still a fairly plain blade.I figure it’s good enough to have the blade that I hammered out being the one to bring my daughter into the world.

By: cheryl

cheryl — Wed, 15 Mar 2006 23:26:29 +0000

My suggestion involves you wearing a Darth Vader mask and black cape, and bringing a light saber along with you. This will work best if you choose to name your son Luke. After delivery, you turn on the light saber (insert proper sound effect here), and sever the umbilical cord while saying, “Luke, I am your father….” I think the docotor and all the nurses, would find it a refreshing change of pace. Of course, you can only do this if Jeannette is totally sedated.

By: Deep Thought

Deep Thought — Wed, 15 Mar 2006 01:47:00 +0000

They will give you surgical shears with nice, rubber-coated grips. As the father of five kids I have some advice on cutting the cord.

a) Have a solid grip on the shears. I know a father who dropped them onto his wife.

b) The cord is both tough and slippery; make sure you are prepared to *cut* and

c) Remember how I mentioned slippery? Make sure you have the cord well within the cutting arc of the shears or that puppy will pop out and spray blood in a fine mist all over you. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

Its over in a second and they get you back out of the way. Enjoy and remember; get a picture of the placenta – it will make future girl/boyfriends FREAK OUT.

By: Romerican

Romerican — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 18:29:19 +0000

How about a pair of shears? Surgical, not garden variety.

http://www.robbinsinstruments.com/scissors/umbilical.html

New and Improved! Now available in iMac colors!

By: The Captive Lion

The Captive Lion — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 13:41:59 +0000

An ornately carved ceremonial umbilical cord knife is the only true way to sever the tie between mother and child among us Klingon. You must follow custom or else we are doomed to forget the Klingon ways. I have heard that a child whose cord is not cut with the special carved blade will not develop as many protruding forehead bones.

Klingon custom aside, my best advice is that no matter which option you decide on, always have a Plan B. Even if it’s as simple as grabbing a spork from the cafeteria at the hospital. Or filing down the funny edge of a quarter. You just don’t want to have Plan A fall through and then when game time hits, the nurses find you out back bent over like a chimpanzee banging rocks together trying to chip off a sharp edge. That’s so 2000… B.C.

Truth be told, I don’t see why you don’t just leave the thing attached. You’ll save ten bucks on a child leash. It could at least be helpful during these first formative years. And if you ever want to go wireless in the future, cut it then.

By: Krusty

Krusty — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 06:12:36 +0000

I have a far better solution to this problem. I say we teach you to breath fire. It will take a few weeks to prefect a solid stream. Once you have that dowsn your set for the big day. Picture it
DOCTOR: okay sir would you please do the honor. Here is your scapel.
CENTAUR: No thanks doctor I’m set. Nurse would you please get the lights. Stand back everyone and don’t try this at home.

A bright flash of fire and it’s finish, not only cut but sanitized and sauterized. You would even save the doc some work. Hell it might even cost less.

I believe that Dyk knows how to swallow fire you should get him onit.

By: ken

ken — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 04:28:48 +0000

Truth be told, I did come unprepared to your birth. I had to use my front teeth. It was llke cutting a large rubberband. If I had to do it over again, an electrician’s wire snip would be my first choice. I remember it like it was yesterday, there was quite a bit of bile in that bite. Do you remember the first key chain I gave you when you got your driver’s license? You thought it was a shriveled up piece of leather. Don’t throw away that piece of tube.
By the way, I was also unprepared for your circumcism, but that’s a story for another day.

By: Andrew Hamann

Andrew Hamann — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 22:34:50 +0000

YES! An energy sword! Brilliant!

By: solo

solo — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 20:06:58 +0000

may i suggest this?

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