Internet Zillionaire

Dear Charlie,

Is this how our life is going to be — one constant competition to see who can one-up each other?

Jeez, sounds like our fathers.

Sure, you may have arrived in this world first, but man, there were some things you missed out on by not staying inside your mom’s womb for a few more weeks.

Instead you had to flaunt to the entire world your full mane of hair. At least I wasn’t far behind on that front and we’ve both got more than my dad.

Well, there were a few drawbacks of arriving later. Maneuverability became similar to driving in Seattle at rush hour. I guess that’s what happens when you come out at 8 pounds, 3 ounces. Whatever mom was eating sure gave me a constant case of the hiccups. And for goodness sake, could dad get the remote out of mom’s hands once or twice to watch something other than the 26 versions of Law and Order? I can’t walk, but I can prosecute a murder case.

But, it was kind of cool sticking out my knees and elbows and making my mom’s stomach look like some odd form of abstract art. And you can’t argue against a diet of ice cream, ice cream and more ice cream.

I will be calling upon you for advice in the coming months. I mean, you have exactly a two week headstart on all those joyous things we’re about to experience: diaper rash, teething, pooping ourselves, pooping on our dads. I’m going to need to know all the idiosyncrasies of accomplishing those tasks in the most efficient manor (especially the pooping on dad part).

Cheers my friend. Now begins our partnership as Zillionaire-brethren driving our fathers on a daily basis ever closer to insanity.

Sincerely,
Logan Dale Booth (sure to be known to all Zillionaires as Booth, Jr.)