Internet Zillionaire

Essentially, they both have the same purpose. They are designed to keep dirt, debris, germs and other pathogens out of our sensory organs. They are rigid black hairs, about a centimeter in length, located on our face. And though they may look and function the same, they are by no means equal.

One is an eyelash. The other is a nose hair.

One is beautiful. The other is disgusting.

My son was blessed with long eyelashes. I, on the other hand, am cursed with abnormally long nose hair.

When people meet my son, they often comment on his beautiful eyelashes. When people meet me, they generally douse me with holy water.

And there is really no reason for it. They are basically the same type of hair. The deck has just been stacked against nose hair. For starters, look at the name. Certainly, “noselashes” would be a much more positive term. Instead, it’s called nose hair. And everyone knows that hair is something you cut, trim or shave.

In my son’s case, the longer his eyelashes are, the cuter he becomes. He will never asked to trim them, or receive subtler messages like getting eye-hair grooming kits in his stocking.

Unfortunately, “society” has arbitrarily decided that long eye hairs are desirable. Consequently, women wear makeup to make their eyelashes look longer. Some even take it a step further, and buy completely fake eyelashes and adhere them to their eyelids. Conversely, you simply don’t see Revlon putting out makeup to make nose hairs appear more lustrous. And I doubt I’ll ever see a woman attaching fake nose hair to her nostrils. It’s a shame too, because I think it would be rather alluring.

That’s just the way it is. But you can be sure of one thing: The next time I lose a nose hair I’ll blow on it and cast a wish for body hair equality.