The Two Day Lease

I am officially about to become a landlord. My first tenant is set to move into the spare room in my apartment tonight or tomorrow. The circumstances of my sudden venture into real estate are not typical, but I’m trying to be as professional and organized as possible given the situation.

True, you could say that a friend is just crashing at my crib for a few nights while his new apartment is being renovated, but that would take a lot of the fun out of it.

For instance, I couldn’t call him and leave messages as his landlord, pestering him to sign the two-day lease I’ve drafted up, calling our other mutual friends or should I say his “references” and asking them about his financial situation. And I wouldn’t be able to do a walk-though of the room with him, asking that he note all the wear and tear so that it doesn’t come out his damage deposit later. After all, a tenant has certain rights and I don’t want to be caught in a bind when it’s nearing midnight and he is listening to music a little too loud and I can’t sleep. I want to be able to tell the officers that knock on his door that I specifically stated in the lease that the apartment quiet hours are between 11pm and 8am.

Listen, this might sound harsh, but who is the one taking on the responsibility that we have running water for those two days, a working refrigerator, and a solid roof over our heads. That’s right– me, DA, Mr. Bring-Home-the-Bacon Landlord. And I don’t take kindly to young punk kids who think just because we have been friends since “7th grade” they can milk me for a free weekend’s accommodation. So just sign your John Hancock on this here two-day lease and I promise not to raise the rent on you until Sunday!