Missing Amazon Alexa Commands

Alexa, will I regret this tattoo?

Alexa, Amazon’s voice-controlled assistant, is capable of many wondrous things. She can give you the weather forecast, add items to a shopping list, and even tell you who won the latest game of sportsball. It is supposed to be very futuristic (if the future is completely boring in the same way as today’s world). But there are a few missing commands that I wish she understood. You know, things that I can’t just as quickly and easily look up on my own.

Missing Amazon Alexa Commands

  • Alexa, where are my keys? And also, where is my wallet?
  • Alexa, do I put out the yard waste or the recycling with the garbage this week?
  • Alexa, did I remember to put the seat down?
  • Alexa, do I have any weird ear hairs or protuding nose hairs that need to be dealt with before I leave the house?
  • Alexa, what is this stain on my shirt and how long has it been there? Why didn’t you tell me before my date with Alyssa?
  • Alexa, I’m not going to leave the house today, am I?
  • Alexa, is it just me or is Zach Galifianakis just not funny anymore?
  • Alexa, dear God, am I turning 37 or 38 this year?
  • Alexa, should I call my new croissant/brownie mashup a broissant or a crownie?
  • Alexa, why am I still in my sweatpants at 3 in the afternoon?
  • Alexa, if my Mom calls tell her I’m at the opera and not in the Papa John’s parking lot.
  • Alexa, why did breakdancing go out of style just as I was getting good at it?
  • Alexa, how long before I go bald?
  • Alexa, what will people say when I die? Followup, who will be the saddest?
  • Alexa, add Pizza Hut breadsticks to the list of items to be served at my funeral.
  • Alexa, who in their right mind would love me?

Also published on Medium.

2 thoughts on “Missing Amazon Alexa Commands”

  1. Alexa, how long does the barbecue sauce last in the fridge after opening?
    Alexa, does the cat really like me or does he only want to get fed?
    Alexa, will this can of chili I eat give me diarrhea, follow up, or the 5 cans of IPA?
    Alexa, will EDM stop headlining major music festivals, or am I technically old because I don’t like EDM?

  2. Alexa, what is your opinion of Siri?
    Alexa, why do digital assistants always have crappy names?
    Alexa, what car should my wife buy?
    Alexa, who will win the Super Bowl? Follow up: what states allow gambling on the Super Bowl.
    Alexa, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

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