As you know, I have been the beneficiary of multiple Christmas miracles over the years. Whenever my happiness and physical well being depended on finding a certain toy under the tree on Christmas morning, somehow Santa always delivered.
But this year, I’m a little concerned. The item I desire most this Christmas, the Xbox 360, is impossible to find in the stores. Somewhere in all the excitement of the most important product launch in the company’s history, Microsoft forgot to actually manufacture any consoles. Apparently nobody bothered to schedule that in Outlook. Sadly, a few pop-up reminders might have averted this whole mess. Seriously, can you imagine if Microsoft planned a New Year’s Eve party? There would be a total of four beers for every thousand guests.
Memo to Microsoft: You call this taking over the world!? Pathetic. My little sister could do a better job of world domination.
Maybe if Bill Gates wasn’t spending all his time getting bad haircuts and eradicating polio this wouldn’t happen. (On a side note, I seriously think Bill Gates goes into Great Clips and asks the stylist to make him look like Harry Potter.) Anyway, even if Microsoft were to get their act together, there is probably little that could be done at this point. It’s not like the Xbox 360 is produced in sweatshops… so that ruins any hopes of them pumping out a million units overnight. Yep, we’re all screwed.
And that goes doubly for me. Getting an Xbox 360 under the tree falls on my wife’s shoulders. You’ll understand my concern once you read my interpretation of what goes through her mind on a typical Christmas shopping trip. (I changed the font style accordingly, as women tend to think in italics…)
She wanders into the GAP. Mens’ collared shirts are on sale! And look, there’s a blue-checkered one in his size! I’ll buy him one of those. And look, matching scarves too! Perfect! He’ll look every bit as emasculated as the mannequin in the store!
Next, she heads to a department store. Here’s a good gift, some nice coasters! Granted, we’ve already got some coasters. But maybe if I get him his own set, he’ll be more mindful of actually using them! I should have thought of this when we first moved in together!
Here’s the big Christmas surprise: I already decided to surprise my husband with some ballroom dancing lessons! And coincidentally, all the lessons occur during Gonzaga basketball games or during the likely playoff schedule of the Seahawks. Of course, he balked at this idea earlier, but I’m getting it for him anyway. That’s the surprise!
At this point, my wife pulls my Christmas list from her purse, seemingly to insure that she didn’t accidentally purchase something I actually want:
Bombay Sapphire (That’s right, I put alcohol on my Christmas list. And I don’t care if Jeff Foxworthy would say that doing so might make me a Redneck.)
Wait, what’s this? An Xbox 360? Yeah, right. That’s like, twice the cost of ballroom dancing lessons! And there’s no way I’m getting him both!
Finally, ladies… Does this shopping scenario sound familiar? I have a feeling it does. There’s still time to do the right thing. Remember, it’s the season of giving. Give your man what he really wants, not what you want him to have… Put a 360 under the tree.
Well guys, I did my part. And I hope my wife picked up on the many subtle messages I left in this post. My fingers are crossed for yet another Christmas miracle.