The Great Star Wars Debate

While I hate to reopen the wounds from our last Star Wars debate, there is one issue left to address:

As you know, someday, I intend to procreate. And so far, the plan is to have nothing but boys. And when that day comes, I’ll adhere to my fatherly duty and initiate my son, Lando Calrissian Ring, into the world of Star Wars.

However, something occurred to me the other day. In which order should the movies be viewed by someone that has no prior exposure to the films?

1. Do I show my son the movies in chronological order, starting with Episode I (The Phantom Menace) and ending with Return of the Jedi, Episode VI?

~ Or ~

2. Do I show them in the order in which they were made, starting with Episode IV (A New Hope) and ending with Revenge of the Sith, Episode III?

Some might argue the latter is the order in which they are meant to be seen, as this is how George Lucas chose to release the movies. And not to be discounted, this is the order in which I saw the movies, and obviously, things worked out ok for me…

On the other hand, most would agree that episodes 4-6 are better than episodes 1-3, and viewing them in chronological order would allow the viewer to enjoy the superior movies at the end. Of course, to make it to the final episodes, one would have to endure a lot of frontloaded scenes of Jar Jar Binks. Any responsible parent should seek to shelter and protect their child from extreme amounts of Jar Jar, not subject them to it. I worry that starting my son on this path could sour him on Star Wars altogether. Or worse yet, we’ve all read that it’s traumatic childhood events like this that spawn future serial killers and telemarketers.

There is one other hope. Perhaps I can wait a few years, when they release the “Director’s Cut” versions of the latest Star Wars movies. I have a feeling that instead of including “bonus footage,” they would actually be the first movies in history to advertise “omitted footage,” namely cutting out several hours of scenes featuring Jar Jar. The director’s commentary alone would be priceless:

George Lucas (rubbing beard): “Yeah… Looking back, I realize now that Episode I really should have been about 17 minutes in length… And it probably should have been a silent film as well.”

As you can see, it’s quite the dilemma. Maybe it’s time we really explored this debate. Right now I’m leaning towards showcasing the films in the order they were made… However, as always, I’ll definitely consider any advice my fellow members on the Zillionaire Council are willing to impart…

10 thoughts on “The Great Star Wars Debate”

  1. wow, i might have to say this one is a little tricky. i’m sure kids would much rather watch the latest installments. just depends on how you want to raise them. i’d show 1-5 only. leave it on a good note with empire. nobody likes ewoks anyway.

  2. Matt, Im outraged! Your sons middle name has been preordained. Calrisian is not acceptable.
    Lord of the Rings. {dad}

  3. I would treat Star Wars I-III as if they were relatives spending time in prison for crime against humanity. (In fact, these movies are crimes against humanity, for argument’s sake). When Lando reaches an age old enough to understand, you can have your man-to-man talk. You can explain there are actually more movies out there. But beware. You will expect something better, something smarter. Instead, you get a crappy love story with an actor who makes you crave for James Van der Beeck’s whining Dawson to team with up Keanu Reeves in a buddy comedy with ALF.

    I think it would be a great opportunity to provide life lessons to young Lando. That and the fact that he was named after character, who was played by an actor who peddled smooooth malt liquor in TV ads.

  4. I think that you should show Lando the movies in order from 1 to 6. I myself plan on getting a case of beer and watching them all in one day once they are all released on dvd. In fact, you should make Lando watch them all in one day as punishment, it could make you come out smelling like roses in the end.

  5. Well MR this is the facts. The youth of today have terrible taste in everything. It doesn’t matter what order you show them in. Either way Lando will not appreciate the nuances of the amazing life of the jedi. I would be amazed if you even got him to sit through the original trilogy. After all by the time he is old enough all movies are going to be so high tech that it would be like asking a kid today to give up the xbox for a atari, they would laugh in your face. However I hear they may be making another indiana jones. This may be new enough to hook a child. We are a dying breed of quality sci f i fans. Nowdays if doesn’t have japenese animals shooting lazers out of their asses, kids don’t like it. Sadly you and Lando will never connect on this subject matter. I have allready accepted that Krusty Jr. Is going to never enjoy the beauty of the National Lampoons series.

  6. Krusty, that is depressing but you’re probably right. Krusty jr huh, nice. Peewee, if you and Lando don’t connect on stars wars, just beat him, it’s as simple as that. Kids don’t get beat enough these days, that’s the problem with the world today. They need to learn respect and sometimes that requires a heavy hand.

  7. Guilt can be a bitch. I’ve been carrying around the shame of subjecting my family to a viewing of “Attack of the Clones” one Christmas Eve. To borrow the words of Norm McDonald, “Merry Christmas, I hope you like crap.” The entire argument concerning the order in which one should view the Star Wars series misses the point somewhat. Subjecting a sentient being to the Annakin-Padme love scenes borders on cruelty. A firm thumb on the fast forward button could eliviate this problem somewhat and, as importantly, reduce the possibility that the child protective agencies would take action against “future Lando’s” parents.

  8. You may have a point, but an adequate beating should never be ruled out entirely. First of all, his name is Lando and, therefore, he will most certainly walk all over Peewee if he doesn’t lay down the law. I have been doing some thinking about the series order to show them in and I have changed my mind, I think that the way that we saw them is the best, from oldest to newest. Otherwise, the kid is going to wonder how the series plummetted from the awesome computer animation of Jar Jar Binks to the cut out death star on a black piece of paper with holes punched in it in the first one made, whatever it was called.

  9. Simple. Save yourself and Lando lots of time and anguish. Pretend I-III were never made! Even better if you can stick to the original releases of III-VI and avoid the “Special Editions”.

    Someday I intend to do my own “omit” edit of VI, the less squidgy creatures the better. My goal is 60 minutes.

    This production I saw in 2002 will probably never tour, but it was hilarious, and all salient points were covered:

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