Extreme Food Shows Too Extreme

The “extreme food show” genre has taken over the cable television market. In fact, it seems in just a few short months, the crowded lineup has forced the shows to become more and more extreme as they compete for viewers. I swear I was watching one the other day and the host was in a restaurant that only served penis. Yes, one ingredient, but, believe me, the menu was pages long. Not only did they cook it a bunch of different ways, you could eat the penis of a bunch of different animals. This example illustrates my point. These extreme food shows are too extreme.

I just have to ask. What’s next? What can top that? I wouldn’t be suprised if I turn on the tv next week and see some extreme food show host describing his meal as such:

“Most people eat the meat and the organs of the chicken. You’ve seen some other extreme show food hosts eat chicken feet or brain. That’s nothing. I’m here at a place that makes a dish solely out of chicken feather mitochondria.”

Or maybe…

“Oh my gosh! This bottlenose dolphin-fart soup has a unique biscuit and salt-water aroma. I have to taste it!”

That guy who travels to different countries will, no doubt, utter these words one day:

“The local cuisine here is designed to utilize the whole animal. In this case, the bat. Once a year, the townspeople gather to prepare the special meal before the hunt. I’m here, at the ceremonial feast where we are enjoying the first course… bat sonar gland jerky.”

So listen up Guy Fieri! I have some suggestions. Go find a diner, drive-in, or dive that will serve me:

  1. Roasted Stalagmite Cave-Mold Spores
  2. Toasted Bacteria Spine
  3. Eagle-eyelid Marmalade
  4. Scab Butter
  5. Brain-fluid Lemonade