Extreme Food Shows Too Extreme

The “extreme food show” genre has taken over the cable television market. In fact, it seems in just a few short months, the crowded lineup has forced the shows to become more and more extreme as they compete for viewers. I swear I was watching one the other day and the host was in a restaurant that only served penis. Yes, one ingredient, but, believe me, the menu was pages long. Not only did they cook it a bunch of different ways, you could eat the penis of a bunch of different animals. This example illustrates my point. These extreme food shows are too extreme.

I just have to ask. What’s next? What can top that? I wouldn’t be suprised if I turn on the tv next week and see some extreme food show host describing his meal as such:

“Most people eat the meat and the organs of the chicken. You’ve seen some other extreme show food hosts eat chicken feet or brain. That’s nothing. I’m here at a place that makes a dish solely out of chicken feather mitochondria.”

Or maybe…

“Oh my gosh! This bottlenose dolphin-fart soup has a unique biscuit and salt-water aroma. I have to taste it!”

That guy who travels to different countries will, no doubt, utter these words one day:

“The local cuisine here is designed to utilize the whole animal. In this case, the bat. Once a year, the townspeople gather to prepare the special meal before the hunt. I’m here, at the ceremonial feast where we are enjoying the first course… bat sonar gland jerky.”

So listen up Guy Fieri! I have some suggestions. Go find a diner, drive-in, or dive that will serve me:

  1. Roasted Stalagmite Cave-Mold Spores
  2. Toasted Bacteria Spine
  3. Eagle-eyelid Marmalade
  4. Scab Butter
  5. Brain-fluid Lemonade

6 thoughts on “Extreme Food Shows Too Extreme”

  1. time to add some predictions:

    • clone meat will be huge in 2011. it has that familiar yet new feeling Americans crave.
    • general tso’s toes would be the new chicken fingers if any chain had the guts to bring them to the market.
  2. The fast food industry is way ahead of the curve on this one. If you want to experience “extreme” dining, just go order the chili at Wendy’s. There’s a decent chance you’ll find a severed human finger, cockroach or monkey taint in your bowl right now.

  3. I’ve always found scabs to be better served up in a tapinade or even an aioli. I’ll have to try scab butter again.

    Seems to me that there’s a big market out there for fungus. How about blue-green algae? Or those giant kelp ball things that wash up on the beach. Fry those babies up with some blue-green algae gravy. Mmmmm

  4. holy CRAP! you guys are alive? nice to see some activity after a year of nothing!

    I hate all food, cooking, and extreme food-cooking shows except for Man v. Food because I can live vicariously through that guy’s eating habits and there are no animal penises involved.

    welcome back!

  5. Wow a post on the zillionaire. I love seeing it up and running.

    How dare you bad mouth the extreme food legends. These are my heroes, my leaders, my dreams. Mitochondria of all animals are great in bisquits. Not mention that jackal scrotum makes a slightly salty addition to any great sandwich.

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