I Hate Hurricanes

Like most of you, I’m sitting at work right now, not working. While this is how most of my workday is spent anyway, today there is a reason. I’m monitoring hurricane Rita like a human Doppler radar. Unintentionally, I’ve become an expert on hurricanes… Why you ask? A second vacation destination of mine is about to be leveled by a hurricane.

The first was New Orleans. My wife and I, along with fourteen other friends and family planned to spend a few days in the Big Easy prior to embarking on a weeklong Caribbean cruise. Bourbon Street! I was looking at this part of the trip with such anticipation. I even trained myself to say the words “N’awlins” and “jambalaya” so that I could blend in with the locals. I preemptively dubbed the weekend “Nipple Fest ’05”, as my plan was to treat the entire city to my areolas pretty much 24/7. There was going to be more gratuitous nudity than a backbend competition at my in-laws.

Of course, we all know what happened to New Orleans. After the city “pulled an Atlantis”, Carnival changed the cruise itinerary to depart from Galveston. Ok, fine. So we (and by “we”, I mean my wife) rebooked everything. Instead of Bourbon Street, we’d do Six Flags before the cruise. Fast forward to today… Hurricane “dia-Rita” has gathered strength in the Gulf of Mexico, and is threatening to derail everything. At first I was optimistic about this, figuring at least the lines at Six Flags would be shortened. Now it looks like everything could be cancelled…

As it stands now, the trip to Houston and the entire Caribbean cruise hang in the balance. Theoretically, I was supposed to fly into Houston tomorrow. I’d then spend 48 hours hunkered down in a hotel room, waiting out the hurricane, possibly without electricity, room service or cable television. This would have been the start of my vacation. Compared to my usual day at work, I was actually looking forward to this.

Don’t cry for me. I understand your concern. Most of you don’t know anyone affected by the hurricanes. But I don’t need a fundraiser or any volunteers. I already politely declined the assistance of the Red Cross. Just keep me in your prayers. I’d like to think this whole ordeal has given me new insight. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Apparently, ruining my vacation plans is a high priority for Him.

So now what? There is a real possibility my “vacation” next week will likely be spent at work. Memo to my coworkers: If you thought I was disgruntled before…