Top 5 Pieces of Office Furniture/Supplies I Didn’t Miss While On Vacation:
- My Stapler. Used only three times in the two years I’ve had it, I didn’t miss this puppy one bit while I was out. I don’t think it missed me either. We spend a lot of time together but it still seems like we are strangers. Hopefully in 2005, my stapler will open up a bit and we can start trusting each other with details of our respective personal lives.
- The Big Desk. Believe it or not, I didn’t miss being surrounded by 270 degrees of work for one second while on vacation. True, the Formica Fortress (as I’m now calling it) is new and nice but at home I prefer furniture that isn’t so large that it needs to be cordoned off into geographic areas such as a peninsula.
- My Fairhaven College Mug. While I’m not under the fog of work, I actually despise drinking from ceramic mugs. I put up with the mug while at work because I’m so numb to pain while working that I’ll drink from anything as long as I get to get up from the Fortress and take a little break. Plus, this mug is so small it takes about 45 refills to get the daily allotment of water I need which means the breaks come quick and come often. By my calculations, that also means I get to say hello to Heidi (who sits by the sink) 45 times a day which is a bit repetitive but fun nonetheless.
- The Plastic Floor Mat. I like being home while on vacation because at my house there isn’t a single plastic floor mat. Aren’t plastic floor mats one of the signs of the apocalypse according to the Book of Revelations in the Bible? If not, they are in the King David version. But then again, the King David version has various X-men characters as the apostles. The Book of Wolverine 4:33 reads,
“And the Lord Jesus did deliver a mighty blow to Judas. And thus swoopeth in Wolverine who finished him off with his Blades of Adamantium which glistened in the light with divine vengeance.”
- My Chair. Some of the bone is finally starting to heal where the doctor separated me from my chair before I left on vacation. I had what is known as Spinal Chair Bone Fusion but I’m doing better now. Keep me in your prayers please and if you can help financially, I’ve set up some donation jars at various supermarkets and liquor stores around town.