Well, it’s March Madness time, meaning I am yet again staking my happiness to how well Gonzaga does in the tournament. As a public service, I’m providing some brief profiles of my favorite team in the tourney, in case others are interested in following them as well. And yes, I realize that this post has just doomed them to early elimination.
Adam Morrison: The mustache angle has been overdone in the national media. Frankly, that story is played-out.
Unfortunately, I can’t walk past a dead horse without subjecting it to my own merciless beating:
If you haven’t seen Morrison’s mustache, simply tune into today’s game, or catch any episode of The George Lopez Show. I’m serious. I was flipping through channels the other day and saw that the Mexican kid that plays George’s 13-year old son has the exact same haircut and facial hair. Trust me, it actually makes the show worth watching when he’s on camera.
On a related topic, I present to you a new definition of wasted time: I spent over an hour (on company time) searching for a current mustachioed headshot of Luis Armand Garcia (the child actor cast as George’s son.) I searched Google and every “George Lopez Show” related fan site on the Internet. Thankfully, there were only three such websites. I only tell you this to illustrate the pain and sacrifice I endure to try and put funny content on this website. Here’s the best I could do:
First, Adam Morrison:
And now Luis Armand Garcia: (sorry that it’s only a side view… just trust me about the mustache part.)
Onto the rest of the team:
Derek Raivio: He’s the starting shooting guard. If it looks as though he’s about 14 years old, that’s because he is. He’s got an unreal fake ID. Ironically, he’s the one guy on the team that could justify a bad teenage mustache.
David Pendergraft: Introducing the token really white guy. (On Gonzaga’s roster, you need to clarify the degree of whiteness.) He’s a role player, he takes charges, and he even has red hair. By any standard of measure, this makes him the quintessential white guy on a college basketball team.
P-Mac: Also known as Pierre Marie Altidor Cespedes. If his name doesn’t scare you, neither will his nationality: French Canadian.
Erroll Knight: Treading carefully as I type this… let’s just say he’s the anti-Pendergraft.
Jeremy Pargo: Backup point guard. What he lacks in height and stature, he makes up for in cockiness and trash-talking. Such is always the case.
J.P. Batista: He’s easy to spot, just look for a 6-10 Brazilian center, weighing 280+. He’s a solid player, but unfortunately has the same vertical leap of my wife in her second trimester.
Sean Mallon: He’s the starting power forward. Although, “power” might be too strong a word. Maybe “persistent”? Or perhaps “moderate”? I like that one. He’s our starting moderate forward.
So that’s it. Let the games begin, and Go Zags!!!