Internet Zillionaire

I am returning to my hometown tonight, as my ten-year high school reunion kicks off this weekend. In anticipation of this moment, I’ve spent the last few months sharing some memories from Biology and Spanish class. This installment is a potpourri of actual things I wrote in high school… Enjoy:

100 Things to Accomplish Before I Die:

I compiled this list for psychology class in my junior year. Here are some of my favorites from the list, along with my commentary in parentheses:

1. Dunk in a game.
2. Save Mankind. (In a video game setting, I’ve done this hundreds of times.)
3. Have business cards.
4. Have a body guard. (Preferably not Kevin Costner.)
5. Visit Tombstone, Arizona.
6. Give a memorable speech.
7. Ride on a dolphin.
8. Outrun the police. (Believe it or not, I can actually cross this one off the list.)
9. Start my own company called “Manchild Enterprises.”
10. Be a Navy SEAL. (This was written at the height of the popularity of the Under Seige movies.)
11. Have a wild bachelor’s party. (You be the judge.)
12. Outbid somebody at an auction. (Obviously, this predated Ebay.)

Where I will be in Ten Years:

The following is an excerpt from a paper I wrote as a junior about my plans after high school. Looking back, I think it is safe to say that I lacked a fundamental grasp of reality.

“In ten years I plan to drive an expensive sports car complete with power windows, automatic headlights and a sunroof. I will live in a four-story gothic mansion with lots of marble pillars and stone statues of Greek mythology characters. To support my extravagant lifestyle, I will hold a job as a Hollywood producer and invest in the stock market.

By the time ten years has elapsed from my graduation, I am considered one of Hollywood’s biggest playboys. From what I can tell, being a 28-year old millionaire isn’t always easy, but there is never a dull moment.”

As you might have guessed, I have fallen fantastically short of these expectations. Since my priorities have changed somewhat over the years, here is my updated plan for the next ten years:

Having found the perfect wife, I decided my greatest gift to mankind would be to procreate and mold my many sons in my own image. To pursue this endeavor even further, I will become a pioneer in the field of cloning, so that my offspring will have 100% of my DNA (Currently consisting of 50% Caucasian, 25% Cherokee Indian, and 25% Ninja genes).

McFly and Fungi:

Back in high school, before we became The Centaur and The Captive Lion, we were known as McFly and The Fungi. Here’s the final column we wrote together as seniors in high school… As you can see, very little maturation, physical or otherwise, has occurred in the last 10 years:

Be on the lookout, one final installment of high school memories is coming next week…