Don’t Make Me Puke

Dear Matt and Jeannette,

I’ve known you two for a long time and I’ve always felt like you two were a great match. True, there have been some ups and downs, but I think you both came to realize that it is your similarities and differences which makes your relationship thrive. You both love to laugh and almost more importantly, love to make each other laugh. You both challenge each other to grow, think, and explore all the boundless opportunities that life has to offer. On behalf of everyone that attended your spectacular wedding, I say congratulations on a near perfect night and a huge thank you for letting us taste the joy and happiness that you two radiated.

The night had the best of both worlds, a truly romantic marriage ceremony where your honest, heart-felt vows echoed not only in our hearts but carried out over the blue waves and the green hills of the San Juans. I think I saw two seagulls mating out of the corner of my eye as you two exchanged words. Love was really in the air. I am a cynical, cold-hearted bastard and even I almost cried when I stopped figiting and listened to the lyrics of the song that you had chosen to be played. “One, two, three, four, he counts the steps… but it doesn’t really help, he still steps on her toes.” It’s so weird how a song written by someone else for some other purpose was so perfect for the two of you, for right then. Ryan did a tremendous job showing you two off and conducting the ceremony as well, a nice blend of personal and formal, religious and non-sectarian. Seriously, coming from me, that is a huge compliment.

And the night was capped with one of the funnest dance parties I’ve ever been too. Young and younger graced the dancefloor with a carefree attitude, the mark of a true celebration. The reception was just that, a grand opportunity to celebrate as family and friends, to reconnect, to let go of the some of the worries, insecurities, and problems that isolate us all from time to time, to let loose and have fun. So many weddings get bogged down in making sure all the details are taken care of, but lose sight of the real reason for the gathering. I can honestly say you two did both marvelously. I think that speaks volumes for the life you two will share together.

Your friend,

ps. Although your vows and promises to each other were beautiful, I think you didn’t hit on a few things that might be pertinent. I would add:

Matt (pointing to xbox): Do you Jeannette, take this xbox to be your nemesis, in sickness and in health, for as long as you shall live?
Jeannette: I do.

Jeannette: Do you Matt, accept this vice on your gonads attached to this remote control that I have in my hand, for as long as you shall live?
Matt: (pauses… then doubles over in pain) I do! I do! I do!

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