Expecting: Vol. I

Expecting: Vol. I

So the little white stork is going to be visiting myself and my wife Becky in a few months. I must say that it is going to be an amazing ride and DA suggested I submit some pieces to share what I’m going through. Believe it or not I’ve already experienced one of the finer aspects of your wife having a baby… sympathy pains. I’ve felt nauseous, bloated, and have had tender breasts on more than one occasion. It’s not a pretty picture in any one’s book, but I’m not really going to discuss that today.

I’m going to talk about a subject that I thought I would never have any business writing about: discrimination. It seemed to me that one could never fully explore this topic if they hadn’t actively been discriminated against. Being white, male, and breathtakingly hot I just never had to encounter this phenomenon… until my first visit with my wife to the doctor’s office.

It all started in the waiting room. Becky and I are sitting in our chairs, quite excited about the whole situation. There is the possibility that we’ll hear the heartbeat and it’s just great to be experiencing this. Then I start to look around the room and I notice it happens to be full of pregnant women. Being in an OB/GYN’s office I don’t think of this as shocking, but it becomes apparent that a lot of the women are staring at me oddly and kind of giving me the stink eye. My first instinct is to check my fly, but it’s zipped, and slowly it begins to dawn on me that they’re mad at me. I instantly chalk this up to territorial reasons. Why should a man be in an OB/GYN’s office? Then I’m thinking, maybe they’re mad at me because I’m not pregnant and they are. I instantly want to shout out that my breasts are tender too, but common sense sets in.

Soon a nurse comes out and calls Becky’s name. We both get up and walk toward her. She is nicely holding the door open for us, Becky walks through, and then the nurse steps in front of me and lets go of the door, practically slamming it in my face. A wave of panic runs through my body as I begin to wonder if I’m actually allowed to go back with her. I mean, are the back halls of an OB/GYN’s office akin to the women’s bathroom? Should I only go in for emergency purposes? I ignore these fears, open the door and run to catch up with them.

The entire appointment lasts roughly 30 minutes, and not surprisingly I’m ignored through the entire session. The nurse never looks at me, and my questions go largely ignored. The message is clear: I’m a man, and can’t possibly understand anything about this process. Of course this is true, but do you have to act like I’m not in the room?

I implore with the medical professionals and pregnant women out there don’t discriminate against us men. Sure we got you in this predicament in the first place. It’s true we get to sit back while you’re body goes through a virtual funhouse of hormonal and physical changes. And maybe, like, half the time after we get you pregnant we leave you to raise the kid by yourself, or spend every waking moment away from the baby while we go drinking at the bar. So what if we only have to sit and hold your hand while a bowling ball size object has to pass through your… Hey, wait a minute! What the hell am I saying? Men do have it easy!

Ladies, discriminate all you want.

5 thoughts on “Expecting: Vol. I”

  1. Snooze, CK, your breasts have been tender since we used to hang out at WSU… now you just have an excuse! Wake me up when they start lactating!

    Seriously, I look forward to hearing more of your chronicles and wish you and Becky all the best!

  2. You know I missed out on the whole discrimination thing, going through the whole process in, let’s see, the “United States of DeCou,” “the butt crack of Washington,”
    Ellensburg I guess. But I can see how that could happen in offices where there’s more than four people in the waiting room. Sounds like a good time.

    The best time you’ll have is if Becky gets high blood pressure or starts having contractions like a month early and has to go on bedrest. I swear that was the worst three weeks of my life. I got yelled at every day for no apparent reason, and then had to wait hand and foot on the one yelling at me for no reason. I told Erika that I would be probably the happiest guy ever if I had to lie in bed for a month (don’t get me started on the supply of “bedovers” I’d have to acquire), but she wasn’t hearing it. We resorted to pleading with the lump inside to just “get the hell out here, now!” Ah, good times.

    But trust me, all the hassles and discrimination will be well worth it in the end. Congrats again man, you’re in for one hell of a ride.

  3. CK, have you and Becky (I almost typed Backy for some reason) decided on a name? Weird. I just realized that your child could someday read this. Does that frighten you? Should I be writing this message as if I’m writing it to your child who is grown up in the future? Is this baby book material? Does anyone even do baby books anymore or are baby weblogs the thing? Is it appropriate to link people to thekiichles.com?

  4. Woah, never thought i’d hear a white guy actually say he was discrminated against. That’s funny. Was that really discrimination? Sounds more like policy. Either way, I feel ya’ B. discrmination’s a biatch. Great story and good luck with your new baby CK and Becky!!!!

  5. Thanks everyone for your good wishes and sarcastic wit. Or is that just being a smart ass?

    The baby’s name will be Aiden(It’s a boy), and I must admit that the thought of him reading this in the future is quite scary, mainly because he’ll see how crazy his Dad’s friends are.

    The website has not been updated, as the webmaster (Backy) is very slow. Now, I’ve lost the will to type.

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