One-liners from Suburbia

I heard that McDonald’s is genetically-engineering chickens to lay little packets of bar-b-q sauce.

I love that K-mart has a tiny Little Caesar’s pizza place inside it, but I’d really love to see a huge Little Caesar’s with a little K-mart inside.

Keep them coming. I’m trying to write a Mitch Hedberg-esque act with this type of humor.

3 thoughts on “One-liners from Suburbia”

  1. Stop me if you’ve heard this…

    Why are the police in Canada called “Mounties?” If you think about it, the horse they ride would be the Mountee, and they would be the Mounter, right? I wanted to ask about this at the border crossing, but I figured they’d just hassle me…

  2. life of a touring musician….mickey d’s, strip club, mickey d’s, strip club. why not combine the two. i’ll get a mclap dance and a shake, and yes, super size it.

  3. I can’t say that these are in the same vein as Mitch, but definitely an inspiration. Some are just mean.

    Just when I thought Hollywood was done with plain-looking as Molly Ringwold as stars of teen movies, along comes Julia Stiles.

    Did the Grammys decide to rename the category from “spoken” to “spoken word” because it was possible James Brown would produce an album and to avoid controversy they could point out grunts are, in fact, not words?

    Speaking of Grammys, they might as well just award james Brown the Lifetime Achievement for Spoken Grunt.

    I believe there are laws in the South that require the dress code of wearing overalls if you are named “Bubba”.

    I never thought I would ever hear the phrase “whiskey enema”. But then, out of nowhere, someone in Texas decided he needed one.

    Does anyone doubt that the phrase “I’d pay to see that again” and “The Next Karate Kid” has never been uttered in the same sentence?

    Speaking of the next Karate Kid, I was disappointed to not hear Hilliary Swank thank Mr. Myogi in her acceptance speech for the Oscar this year.

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