Keeping Abreast With The In-Laws

As a general rule, you don’t want to be in the business of one-upping Krusty… especially when it comes to traumatizing your in-laws . He just raises the bar impossibly high. Unfortunately, I may have inadvertently set a new standard last weekend at a family reunion barbeque…

We were visiting my wife’s side of the family on Orcas Island. With Krusty’s exploits fresh in my mind, I spent the weekend attempting to be the model son-in-law. Things had gone flawlessly until the night of the reunion. At the tail end of the evening, the girls took over the dance floor, and began a competition of backbends for the crowd of onlookers. (For those unfamiliar with a “backbend,” enjoy this picture …)

It takes the right mixture of flexibility and strength to properly execute a backbend, and my wife was having a difficult time reaching a standing position. I was drinking a beer on the side of the dance floor, and she asked me to assist her in getting up. Since both of her hands were being used to support herself, and one of my hands was holding a beer, it presented quite a challenge for my lone free hand.

Assessing the situation, I realized that I didn’t really have much to grab onto to help her stand up. I weighed my options. I could have clutched at the front of her pants and hoisted her right up. However, being in front of my in-laws, I didn’t think a move like that was appropriate for a family gathering. Instead, I opted to gently tug on the front of her shirt in hopes it would lift her forward. I think you see where this is going… On merely the slightest pull her little spaghetti-strapped shirt came right down. Both of her breasts popped out. On the dance floor. At a family reunion.

It gets worse. Since she was “standing” on her hands, she was unable to use them to properly cover herself up. And what little elastic support the shirt previously offered had now bunched up underneath her and created the “lift and separate” effect that women purchase designer bras for. As she was in the worst possible position for something of this nature to take place, she looked at me for assistance once more.

And of course, I was of no help. I stood there like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights (pun intended). But unfortunately, unlike the deer, I wasn’t about to be run over by a Buick. My fate would be standing there frozen, mouth agape, watching my in-laws’ reactions unfold. Each second of inaction left my wife more embarrassed, but I remained motionless, as I figured that using my hands to cover her breasts would not reduce the awkwardness of the situation.

Soon it was over, as my wife plopped to the ground and quickly shimmied her shirt back in place. Fortunately, since it was fairly dark outside, most relatives missed the peep show altogether. Luckily, my wife is able to laugh about the incident, but I still tried to make amends by showing everyone in attendance my bare chest as well.

One final bit of irony: My wife was forced to change into that flimsy shirt earlier in the evening after my dinner plate spilled onto the more robust shirt she originally wore to the reunion. I can honestly say: That shirt would have held up to a slight tug during a backbend.

Lastly, to Krusty’s in-laws: I sincerely apologize. I shudder to think what Krusty will do to top this…

5 thoughts on “Keeping Abreast With The In-Laws”

  1. As I attempted to regain my composure I stood up and turned around and found my dad standing 2 feet from the dance floor fiddling with his camera. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sweating through my recently adjusted shirt when I realized what he may have captured. Lucky for me his memory card was full and he had been playing with the camera for quite some time and didn’t have a clue what everyone was laughing at. A special thanks goes out to Char for not only filling him in on all the glorious details but sending him over and telling him to ask me if I want to look at all the great pictures he took that night. I appreciate it.

  2. I cannot believe that I missed the “incident.” For once I was actually THERE at a family gathering and somehow managed to slip away before seeing the backbend attempt and subsequent flash of Jeannette’s chest. I certainly enjoyed the dance floor – I hope you guys weren’t too intimidated by my moves – or those of my mother (quite impressive I agree).

  3. Very impressive MR. I would have to say that is crazy. I would like to tip my hat to you for not putting down your beer in that situation. I pray that I never include anykind of nudity in my in-law relations. By the way the picture you chose to show the backbend is disturbing. I would like to request only females to be posted on this site wearing spandex. I mean come on.

  4. Nice work peewee, nothing like a flash of boobs to get the party started. That is freakin hilarious, I couldn’t stop laughing as I was reading through it. I agree with Krusty, the dude in spandex is a little disturbing and good job holding onto your beer. It’s pretty funny that Jeanette’s family has backbend competitions too.

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