Bill Murray is No Ted Danson

Well, I had one of those days recently. You know the days where you are walking down the street, trying to impress your friend with your ability to assign a celebrity likeness to a complete stranger. Like you spot some random person and then whisper to your friend, “Solo, don’t look behind you… unless you want to get Val Kilmer’s autograph.” Then your friend looks and they either see some resemblance or they don’t. But what makes this game fun is that either way, lookalike or not, there are only positive outcomes of this game in my experience such as:

  1. Friend notices some resemblance and gets a slight chuckle.
  2. Friend notices some resemblance and verifies that it is, in fact, Val Kilmer. We both chuckle.
  3. Friend disagrees with my choice for assigned celebrity lookalike and comes up with a better one. I chuckle.
  4. Friend looks and sees that I had nothing. There was no resemblance whatsoever. So why did I make them turn around and look? So I could turn it into a “got you to look behind you for no reason” type of gag? Really, that low? You are correct. I know it’s not rocket science humor but 1 out of 5 times it does deliver minor chuckles.
  5. Friend vehemently disagrees with my choice and friendship is ruined. No one chuckling this time. Rarely happens.

But just the other day, I finally found a new outcome to this comedic routine that isn’t positive.

Solo and I were walking down the street and I saw this guy from like 200 yards away and he is so far in the distance that he is really small and I can’t really tell much about him but his shape. But I, being an old pro at this game, make a gamble. It’s technically too far. The game should only be played within a reasonable distance. But I’m ballsy. I call it out. Bill Murray. Step by step as we get closer I can only think to myself what a fool I was. This was not a Bill Murray. This was anything but a Bill Murray. This Bill Murray was more like a Ted Danson. And we all know that a Ted Danson is nothing remotely like a Bill Murray. So I questioned myself. What had gone wrong? Where did I screw up? I know it was a long distance call, but I’ve made hundreds of those. It had to be something else. Soon Solo got a look at the guy and adamantly clarified for me what I already knew. This was no Bill Murray. I was “way off.” It was a harsh criticism that I took to heart.

So I knew I had to be honest with him. I confessed that my internal Bill Murray radar has been on the fritz lately. It’s acting all haywire. This was the last straw I told him. I would take in my malfunctioning Bill Murray radar and get it fixed ASAP. It might be difficult to find a shop that can specifically target my Bill Murray radar, as all my other celebrity radars are still working correctly, but there has got to be someone here in NYC that specializes in Mr. Murray. Maybe I need a lock of his hair to recalibrate my radar. Maybe it’s diet related. It’s true I haven’t been getting my recommended daily dose of Caddy Shack quotes or Groundhog day montages. Or just maybe his career has shifted gears so many times, everyone’s radar is off. I could just be the canary in the mineshaft on this one.

I’m just thankful I have friends that are willing to point out my horrible mistakes. They make me a better person.

4 thoughts on “Bill Murray is No Ted Danson”

  1. I’m not going to lie… I do love this game.

    Except, I like to invoke an added twist to it. I like to find a lookalike of a different ethnicity. It adds to the degree of difficulty considerably, but if you nail it, it turns the chuckles into guffaws.

    The gold standard of this game was when I spotted the Chinese version of Christopher Walken in Vegas. That one will never be topped.

  2. Just the other day my friend was explaining to me how his wife hates this game because his celebrities are never the celebrities, only look-alikes. Not ten minutes later we were walking and he did it to me (Dennis Quaid). I turned around and it was him. Laughs all around. That guy is way, way too tan and leathery.

  3. Did we just have a celebrity-Krusty siting? No, wait, that’s Rusty.

    My favorite celebrity game involves pointing at someone that looks nothing like the celebrity, but you adamantly claim that it is in fact the celebrity. Your friend looks at you like you’re a freaking idiot, but you keep on saying, “Hey look, it’s David Hasselhoff! Why aren’t you excited about seeing David Hasselhoff?”

    Then your friend says, “You’re pointing to a woman.” And I say, “No, that’s David Hasselhoff.”

    I keep it up for about 30 seconds and then my friend ignores me for the next 5 minutes.

  4. I think I can one up Matt’s Chineese Christopher Walkin. I went to school with the Indian Freddie Mercury and I have the picture to prove it. He didn’t wear the sparkly outfits though which was a bit of a shame.

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