Caveman Taunts and Insults

Liar! Liar! Loin cloth on recent discovery of fire!

Your momma is so fat we had to use our stone tools to make the entrance of the cave bigger so she could get in and out.

He’s not the sharpest spearhead in the animal-hide-covered, decomposing dinosaur rib-cage hut where we store the hunting implements.

I don’t come to your job and scare away the wildebeests.

You wouldn’t know a wheel if it rolled up and helped you overcome thousands of years of prehistoric living.

What’s wrong? Sabertooth tiger got your tongue?

No shit Blarg. Dig deeper Glurg.

I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot mammoth tusk.

I’ll shove his head so far up his caveman ass he won’t know his physical existence from his shadow cast on the cave wall by the fire.

Knuckle-hoverer!

8 thoughts on “Caveman Taunts and Insults”

  1. Nice post. Here are some more:

    “You call THAT walking upright!?! Pathetic.”

    “Seriously, will you just evolve already?”

    “That vestigial tail of yours is so Pleistocene.”

    “Hold on. Let’s not re-invent the wheel here.”

  2. “Would you stop acting like an australopithecus!?”
    “C’mon, use your newly acquired frontal lobe on this”
    “I hear he gathers for a living…”

  3. Aha! Coming up with these is harder than you would expect. Illustrious kudos to all for playing along.

    But if gathering is wrong, I don’t want to be right. So sayeth Gog, the vegan Caveman.

    Or, in the words of Michael Caveman Jackson, “I’m a gatherer, not a hunter.”

  4. Krusty, your eloquent critique and question deserve an answer. In truth, I was trying to think of the first “burn” ever. The “original burn” if you will. You know, the first thing one caveman dude said to another caveman dude to piss him off. Of course, the truth is the world’s first “burn” was probably just some sexist putdown, but that’s not my style so I threw that one out and tried to think of others (the your momma joke withstanding, but it’s formula was too recognizable to pass up).

    I understand how you arrived at your conclusion, however. They probably hit a little too close to cave dwelling.

    My snarkiness aside, I actually do appreciate you not holding back.  If we can’t be honest after all these years, what’s the point!

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