Shopkeeper’s Remix to “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window”

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Shopkeeper: You want to know how much is the doggie in the window, huh? We’ll let me just look it up on my computer here…

Music begins…
How much is that doggie in the window?
The one with the waggly tail?
Well that dog is $150 dollars.
But you also need to pay to have it registered.

That will cost you another $45.
And then there is the fee to get it neutered.
You’ll have to pay a vet a bunch of money,
Or prove that it already is.

I almost forgot about the shots and vaccinations.
Dogs have to get a ton of them.
There is a rabies one, a lyme disease one,
And a bunch they just do to rob you blind.

And then there is the special microchip.
The one that is buried in its neck.
To update it will cost some moolah.
A $20 bill should cover it.

And have you thought about a collar?
And a leash, and a bed, and a crate.
I’ll sell you the whole setup for $200 dollars.
And throw in the food bowl and water bowl.

Down the road you’re gonna want to think more
About properly setting up your home
Is the backyard fenced or is open?
Cuz a fence is like $25 per linear foot.

And say there are some trees in that fence line.
Those will have to come down.
Cutting trees down used to be dirt cheap.
But now there are a lot of regulations and it’s expensive.

Don’t forget the cost of the land survey.
To make sure your neighbors won’t sue you
If you put the fence in the wrong place
And they call the city to rat on you.

So I haven’t added it all up.
But I’m sure by now you can see.
How much is that doggie in the window, you ask?
More trouble than its worth, easily!
Music ends


Also published on Medium.

3 thoughts on “Shopkeeper’s Remix to “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window””

  1. Don’t forget to factor in the time and agony that you spend cleaning up poop! I have a lab/mastiff mix (yes, the official name is mastador), and it makes some giant turds. Cost is high for that dirty job…

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