Johnny Paparazzi’s Celebrity Slumber Party

Have we met? I’m Johnny Paparazzi. Cousin of Earl Snapshot. Ugly step-uncle to Willimena Candidcam. And you’ve just been invited to be a fly on the wall at my all-night pajama-jammie jam! With a name like Johnny Paparazzi, you can expect some serious celebs in the house and this year I didn’t disappoint. Let’s start this party off right!

Kevin Bacon

Don’t worry, I’ll cook the bacon extra Keviny. Just how you like it.

Harry Connick

Wash it down with a Gin and Connick! Better yet, make that a Shaved Connick. The Harry ones always make me feel fishy.

Queer Eye Guys

Don’t look at me with that Queer Eye!

Other Guy from Queer Eye

Ok, it was fun straight chillin’ with the Queer Eye guys. Get it? Got it! Good!

Seth Meyers

Seth Meyers knows how to pose for Johnny. Here he is doing his famous blurry Sasquatch impression.

Horatio Sanz

His buddy Horatio “Hornblower” Sanz was sans cool and posed for me. Say cheese-y grin!

Tina Fey

Tina Fey and I had a heart to heart. I’ve now got the heart of a woman and she’s got the heart of a ladykiller.

Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen’s glasses aren’t a prop. He wears them all the time. That’s so non-lasiky.

Chris Parnell

Chris Parnell was all slumber and no party however. He didn’t say a funny thing all night. What’s new? (Oh, snap… just kidding Parnell.)

Andy Samberg

Andy Samberg partied so hard, he was gonna have a lazy Saturday and Sunday this weekend.

Kenan Thompson

Kenan Thompson came in costume as the late/great Notorious B.I.G. No one told him it wasn’t a costume party.

Robert Smigel and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Robert Smigel stuck his hand up Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’s ass again. Good times ensued.

Alan Cumming

Alan Cumming was not dressed as Nightcrawler which basically pissed everyone off. Including himself.

Mos Def

Mos Def challenged me to a pillow fight but I would never hit a man with J. Lo glasses. Def was on iTunes duty for the night.

Kevin Spacey

Kevin Spacey was incognito as always. Here he is as an old Irish man.

The Girl from Goonies

Martha Plimpton, the girl from Goonies, crashed the party. But it was cool cuz she told me a secret about Sloth. He no longer worships Superman. He’s a George Clooney Batman dude now.

Spike Lee

Spike Lee definitely was in the house. But he spent most of the time in the bathroom. Spike, leave some TP for the rest of us!

Steve Jobs

The richest man in town, Apple CEO Steve Jobs, was there for tech support. Don’t you hate being the only computer nerd at a party, Steve!

Dave Chappelle

But the man of the hour was Dave Chappelle. He came. He saw. He broke out early. As always.

So can anyone guess where I’ve really been all-night?

22 thoughts on “Johnny Paparazzi’s Celebrity Slumber Party”

  1. Dave, oh excuse me, I mean Mr. Johnny Papparazzi,
    Did you really take these pictures yourself, or did you just buy them off of other people in the know to make yourself/New York seem more appealing? It almost worked.

  2. i assure you mrs. krusty these are all genuine photos taken by dave. i stood next to him for the first two hours as he ran around annoying every cop in the vicinity. “sir, please keep moving.” but he wouldn’t move, he’d just walk back and forth in front of the main entrance. the first major shot was of kevin bacon. he came walking out and i said, “look, kb’s coming.” he walked right pass both of us and as i looked away not to stare, dave stuck the camera about 3 feet from his face and snapped away. we both were jacked up, but he went on for another 8 hours. i left. here’s a hint of where he was; only big nerds would stand in line for 3-4 hours just to walk into a nerd store.

  3. This is outstanding work, and the best part is that none of the celebs seem to be motioning for security or their bodyguards. Apparently you are able to walk amongst them in their natural environment. All are nice shots, btw… but I just wish you could have gotten a shot of Branjelina’s baby or captured a moment of neglectful parenting by Brittany Spears. That’s how you earn your wings as a paparazzi.

  4. Isn’t is strange that most of the people who showed up were SNL alum? I wonder if there was some sort of cross-promotion going on? Then again, maybe they are the only celebrities who wish to publicly acnowledge that they are Apple fans.

    Was there a quarantined “celebrity-only” section? Or were they mingling with the rest of you?

  5. Is it wrong that, if I was there photographing the event, I never would have been able to ID about 50-60% of those people as celebs? That might just be my saving grace.

  6. Yup, you guessed it. At the opening of the new Apple store on Fifth Avenue celebrities were a dime a dozen. I did get a few minor scoops however from talking to a few of the SNL’ers.

    1. Apple specifically invited them to attend.

    2. The goods that they walked out with were complimentary. Most celebs took home a brand new laptop and an iPod Hi-Fi system. Some more, some less. I would put the value of their gifts at around $2,000. Not bad and they didn’t even have to wait in line.

    3. The cast of Saturday Night Live also contributed Celebrity Playlists for the iTunes Music Store.

    4. Despite staying there for an ungodly amount of time, I did not win a free laptop. Taking paparazzi photos was my consolation prize I guess.

    And just for the sake of completeness, I also saw Elizabeth Berkeley, Liev Schrieber, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, and Julianne Moore but didn’t get photos. I heard James Woods and Kanye West stopped by as well, but I never saw them. Would have been fun to see Kanye as I think his music is hot.

  7. To answer the questions, there was not a “celebrity” area although most of the celebs only walked amongst the store for a short while. The SNL’er congregated all together for a spell. I actually left out some of the lesser known folks from the post. I hope they don’t mind (Bill Hader, I’m thinking of you!) I gathered that there was some back room where they could hang out longer however as I saw Dave Chappelle leave hours later from when he was moving about the store.

    Most just mingled throughout the store, being led around by Apple employees who showed them the new MacBooks and other goods. But when the crowd got wind of Dave Chappelle presence, a huge crowd formed around him. He was gracioius, took it in stride, and made sure to acknowledge the love everyone was giving him. He was, by far, the most popular. (Steve Jobs was second, given the audience.)

    I won’t lie. I did have an uncanny ability to spot the celebrities in attendance compared to others there. After the Kevin Bacon photo, I made it a little game to keep myself entertained for the rest of the night while I tried to win the free laptop.

  8. Whoa, great collection. I saw some of the same celebs, including one of the Fab Five and three SNL chicks, but would have liked to see the other Fabs and Tina Fey.

    While I was waiting in line I said the the guy behind me that this would have been a perfect occasion for Triumph to show up. Glad he did.

  9. My fiancee (of 15mins) and I were congradulated by Steve Jobs, James Woods, & Kevin Bacon all within 5 mins of each other.
    Ted from Queer Eye was also there earlier in the opening. He was by the stairs as we were leaving. We were congratulated, and had our picture taken with him.
    On our way out we ran into Diane DeGarbo who was also leaving.
    After leaving the Apple store and going to the ATM for cab fare, we ran into Elizabeth Berkley and her husband who asked us if we wanted their shirts. We said that we were at the Apple store also and were just engaged. They congradulated us and gave us their shirts.

  10. I was at the store while Seth Meyers and Horatio Sanz were there, between just before 1 a.m. and a little after 2. I heard Chappelle showed up about 15 minutes after I left, and that Kevin Spacey left right before I got there.

    I saw Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler and Will Forte outside just after the opening, maybe around 6:30. And of course, I saw the Jobs.

  11. Big deal. A bunch of celebs getting carte blanche and free goodies. I dont see what all the hubub is about. Every one of those turds could afford to buy more than their body weight in goods, and they get all the free stuff.

    I saw the line @ 5:00pm and immediately turned away and into the nearest pub I could find.

  12. Truly, it is an impressive array of celebrities who are too cheap to pay for their own geeky, computer gear. Apparently, Kyra Sedgwick does not give a big enough allowance to Kevin Bacon for her role in “The Closer”. (A show plugged during the NBA playoffs that fell short 3 ads of the record established by Fox for “Prison Break” during the baseball playoffs last year at 834 mentions.)

  13. to defend kevin bacon, he left empty handed. and to harcourt fenton mudd, apparently you’ve never seen horatio sanz up close. that was a low blow.

  14. Solo – regardless of BMI, my point was the fact that these A and B list celebs are makin more dough than me, and could probably afford to pay for the goodies out of pocket.

    Mike – Big deal… So now, instead of cherishing the fleeting moment where you worked up the nerve to ask for an illegible scrawl on a box ?!?!, you’re attempting to make some money off the experience?

    My point here gents, these people are people. Not some sort of “holier than thou” demi-gods. Sure, some are genuine, but that (in my opinion) is a subgenus.

    I’ve been working in an industry where I see “celebs” on a daily basis since ’92, and I’ve never understood the facination with average people getting so cranked up at SEEING someone, let alone getting a scribble on the nearest object with absolutely NO correlation to the “celeb”…

  15. harcourt, i definitely see your point. however, if you’re not entertaining people on t.v., or in movies, or on a stage, and don’t understand what it’s like to be “known,” i don’t think you can speak on this subject so negatively. wait till you get your 15 minutes someday. quit hating, get over it, we get it, you’re not famous.

  16. Looks like NYC is being good to you Dave!

    However, don’t quit your day job, I don’t think InTouch Weekly or US Weekly are impressed…

    Seriously, congrats on the success of Internet Zillionaire, you are truly zillionaires in this blog game.

  17. Wow the captions are so cheasy they almost ruin the coolness of the pictures. Alot of them are wash ups but chappelle is pretty cool. Nice work.

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