December 27th, 2008

Fantasy Made a Fan of Me

by The Captive Lion

There’s a good reason I haven’t been posting on this blog. For the last 4 months, I’ve been checking my fantasy football stats, changing my lineup, and watching ungodly amounts of football on TV. There is a game on Thursday, sometimes Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It’s perfect because I didn’t want to have a life anyway.

It’s like it’s 1990 and I’m collecting baseball cards again. Instead of Topps, Donruss, and Upper Deck, I’m on CBS Sportsline, ESPN, and Yahoo reading up on every player no matter if they are a starter or just a worthless common. I’m always scouting the next flyer I need to grab off the waiver wire. I hated football growing up as a kid (they called me a “skater fag”), but now I can tell you who every player is on every team. Living in New York, I’ve got the Super Bowl champion Giants and Brett Favre in my backyard now. I wish I had his rookie card!

This year, I got roped into being the commissioner of our fantasy football league and I took my duties very seriously. And now that the season is over, I am going the extra mile. I’ve once again enlisted the musical genius of Jon Solo (the Virtual Solos, in FF lingo) to lay down a hot beat so we could bust the ultimate fantasy football rap. Hut hut hike!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download Fantasy Made a Fan of Me

Big shout out to all the dudes in the Bloody Sunday League!

Hollywood, CheesyPoofs, The Seachickens, J Mac Attack, Juicy Ju-Boys, U.S. Kids, Hong Kong Phoey, Zack Attack, Dyks on Byks, Colt 45′s!

Next year’s draft is right around the corner!

Commish and Virtual Solos over and out.

11 Responses to “Fantasy Made a Fan of Me”

RF
12/27/2008

I’ll post my response to this soon: “Fantasy Tested My Patience.” It doesn’t quite have the same ring, but let’s just say “feat. Rihanna” and now you realize–game on!

Seriously though, you pulled it off, guys! Though the track’s not quite as triumphant as it would’ve been if either of you had WON. Ha ha.

Krusty
12/27/2008

Damn, this is the best rap yet. Smooth and butter. I love it. No keeper league. You guys rock.

solo
12/28/2008

thanks krusty. glad you enjoyed it. keeper league just sounded good in the song, doesn’t mean we have to do it.

thirdi
12/29/2008

could you guys dedicate one song to how the cowboys suck? or maybe the dismal state of sports in the city of seattle?

Chris
12/29/2008

It’s gotta be about time for you guys to make a greatest hits album, don’t ya think?

Hopefully the commish title didn’t go to the captive lion’s head… I’m currently embroiled in a wicked fantasy basketball league, which I know is far inferior to football. Maybe that topic can be your B-side to this song.

The Centaur
12/29/2008

Well done gentlemen. I must say it is extremely gratifying to have our fantasy football league legitimized in this fashion.

As for the “keeper” league, here are my suggestions:

1. Keep the polls going. I loved the poll about choosing the worst player on Krusty’s team, as he had many horrible players vying for that distinction. It was honestly tough to narrow it down.

2. Keep out anyone that feels a fantasy football league needs 3 divsions for only 12 teams. Let’s just do an Eastern and Western conference and line up our teams geographically.

3. Keep the phrase “longdick” around. I don’t feel we utilized it enough this season.

4. Keep the suffix “(without lube)” around as well. I feel we just scratched the surface of its potential.

5. Keep a rule that forbids anyone from drafting more than seven Seahawks on their roster. Krusty and Juice, it’s for your own good.

6. Keep out rule debates that exceed more than 34 emails and span two weeks of discussion. Hong Kong Phooey, that one is aimed in your direction.

7. Keep the Keeper League idea around. Let’s let it simmer. Maybe structure the keeper as someone drafted after round 5 or picked up on the waiver wire. This rewards a team for drafting well or being active in league transactions, and the traditional top 60 good players would still be available to draft as usual.

8. Keep up the good work Commish and Solo.

Gabe
12/31/2008

Nice. Been a long time since I heard a rap from you guys… Anyone got the Soup page archived?

Now you just need to make one about fantasy football’s far more awesome cousin, fantasy baseball. Think about how many stats you could check and how many times you can change your lineups with games every day for six months!

The Captive Lion
12/31/2008

Gabe, you did hear the remix of the Ellensburg Song right?

RF
12/31/2008

Guys, please stop singing the praises of other fantasy sports to The Captive Lion. One is plenty.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Couldn’t Wait ’til the Sunday He’d Lose

Jeannette
01/05/2009

I’m with RF. It was a long season as a single mother. This isn’t what I signed up for.

Sincerly,
Zack Attack’s Tired Wife

Gabe
01/08/2009

Somehow I must have missed that Ellensburg Song remix. Thanks!

I still miss the Soup website and internet rap wars.

Leave a Reply