The Innocence of Youth

When I was a young buck taking a dump was like pulling in to the pits at the Indy 500, the whole process took seconds. I would race in to the bathroom, take care of business, my hands like a pit crew, expertly hovering, wiping down surfaces, examining my nuts and bolts, and zoom, I was off again!

These days, my overwhelming thought when the time comes to lay some cable is “What did I get myself into?” The process is excruciatingly slow and it always feels like I’m in the middle of the Fellowship of the Ring in a Lord of the Rings movie marathon (with the extended footage). It doesn’t help that now I’ve got such a tangled web of crack hair that it’s basically like trying to poop through a cheese-grater.

5 thoughts on “The Innocence of Youth”

  1. Wow, I thought I’d be the one to lower the bar like that… That’s almost Solo-level lewdness. I’ve never been in the position of taking the high road when it comes to vulgarity… I’m sure it won’t last.
    Well done, old chap!

  2. I see that the topic of lewdness has arisen. Of course that means that I must come forth with comments a plenty. DA consider yourself blessed if you are still only fighting the simple long squat. The plethora of swear words necessary to deal with the living hell that comes with the multiple visits per day. So chin up young jedi. Call me for advice when it is ten in the morning and it’s your sixth prayer to the toilet gods. As always continue the high quality of life guiding commentary that we all depend on.

  3. The reason our visits to the throne now seem light years in length is because the bathroom has become the only quiet solice we can find.

    Who the hell (except maybe Krusty) is going to come barging in on you dropping the kids off at the pool? It’s your time to relax, contemplate the real issues in your life (i.e. the laundry list of advantages PS2 controllers have over Xbox controllers) and get away from the rat race.

    I can only hope these visits become longer in the future.

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