Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

This is going to be a tough post to write. I’d like to share some thoughts on Episode III, but I don’t want to give away any details of the movie for those that haven’t seen it yet. Of course on the other hand, if you haven’t seen it yet, I think you should really be taking stock of your priorities in life. It’s been out for a week people! If you’ve been too busy helping the homeless, spending time at church, or mentoring troubled youths, I urge you to sit down and reflect upon the direction your life is going. With that said, I’ll try not to spoil any major details, but here are some things to look forward to in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith…

  • I saw the movie last Sunday, and as you might have guessed, I was the first person in the theater. This was all thanks to my wife. Bless her soul. While I waited outside for our friends, my wife snagged a spot at the front of the line inside the theater. Unfortunately, she was put in the position of being an attractive, unaccompanied female at the head of the line for a Star Wars movie. This is the kind of dream girl scenario that only occurs in the wildest fantasies of dateless Star Wars nerds. I shudder to think what might have happened had she been wearing a Princess Leia outfit. I’m sure the legions of nerds lined up behind her were ready to make her their new queen. Naturally, I took great pleasure in cutting in front of all of them right before the movie began, feeling their piercing glares of jealousy as I sauntered up and put an arm around my wife. Truthfully, I’m not sure what the nerds were more envious of: my wife or my spot at the head of the line. Regardless, I brought my Sonicare along, just in case they decided to start any trouble.
  • I hate to give this part away, but this is really a telling sign that this movie is better than the last two: Jar Jar is on the screen for a mere four seconds and has no speaking part. Not a word. Also, he doesn’t stick out his tongue. And he doesn’t trip over anything. And he doesn’t flap his ears in excitement or exhibit any of his other nine million annoying characteristics in this film. He merely walks across the background of a scene. I was still prepared to toss my popcorn at the screen over even this much of a Jar Jar sighting, but I decided to refrain… I reasoned that if Darth Vader were to slice off Jar Jar’s head later in the picture it would redeem this lone appearance… Regrettably, this didn’t happen, which is probably the greatest flaw of the film.
  • A whole planet of Wookies!!! Let me say right now, it’s been long overdue. I don’t want to jinx anything, but if they could somehow spin this off into it’s own series of movies… Think about the success of the “Planet of the Apes” franchise. Can you imagine a “Planet of the Wookies” trilogy? Granted, Wookies only communicate in growls and howls, but c’mon, whom amongst us wouldn’t be willing to put up with subtitles for a movie like this? Of course, as with other films with subtitles, I’d hate for a Planet of the Wookies movie to become too “artsy.”
  • I’m sure you’ve seen the warnings about how this movie incorporates more violence than the other movies in the series. As expected, this is a good thing. The title of “Revenge of the Sith,” is aptly named. The bad guys definitely score one for their side in this movie… There is even some early footage of the construction of the Death Star, as the Empire is in the process of picking through color swatches and interviewing interior designers.
  • The ending is very satisfying. This movie takes all the loose ends from the various films and wraps them up nicely. I can say with great certainty that there will not be an episode three and a half, as all of the unanswered questions are sufficiently addressed. Granted, it would have been pretty ridiculous if the storyline couldn’t be wrapped up after six movies, but I honestly didn’t put this past George Lucas.
  • As expected, there is some overacting. This is a Star Wars hallmark. For instance, Annakin essentially has two emotions: extreme rage and over-the-top extreme rage.
  • I’ll warn you right now, there is a ridiculous amount of previews for upcoming films prior to the movie starting. Usually I enjoy watching the previews, and don’t mind putting up with the “I work for Mr. Fandandgo” routine before the movie begins. This time it was different, as there was so much anticipation built up within the audience that nobody had the patience for the next debacle Jerry Bruckheimer would be blockbusting our summer with.
  • Yoda is continuing his insurance scam. Let’s face it; we all learned in Episode II that he really doesn’t need a cane. I’m not sure what kind disability claim he’s trying to pursue, but shortly after he executed his ninth back flip in Episode III, I concluded that he should probably forgo the act of hobbling around and practically wearing a neck brace everywhere he goes. At this point, no jury is going to fall for this routine.
  • The Final Verdict: I give this movie a rating of: Three “Unreals” out of a possible Four “Unreals.” Wow, I just managed to use the word “unreal” as a noun. And I even somehow made it plural. This is probably a sign I should end this post… Anyway, definitely check out Episode III!!

9 thoughts on “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”

  1. As the “friends” that saw the movie with MR, I must chime in with a few thoughts:
    – First, we must thank Mrs. Ring for putting her life on the line and waiting by herself to get us prime location.
    – Annakin has one other emotion: the ability to express love with some of the cheesiest dialogue in movie history. Same goes for his wife.
    – Wookies … more wookies.
    – Unlike what was previous said on this site, MR did not show up in his wookie costume. My wife and I were supremely disappointed.
    – 2.5 “unreals” The action made up for the crappy dialogue, except for what Yoda had to say.

  2. What a fantastic movie. I mean yoda fighting the emporer in the senate chamber room. C’mon, if you are male and alive you can’t think that isn’t cool. Also seeing yoda knockout guys with the flip of the wrist makes him the badass we want him to be. I was dissappointed with how much of a woosy general grievous was. On the other hand I was blown away by how powerful obi one was. All the way around a fine finish to a series of movies that started with one of the cheesiest actors ever. Luke lives forever as worst acted cool role. By the way I saw the movie on an IMAX screen. It was huge and I was dead center. I highly recommened this as it pretty much puts you in the middle of every lightsaber battle.

  3. Finally saw this. While I’m glad I viewed it in the theatre, this movie gets 2 unreals, maybe less. It definitely was a return to the space opera qualities that made the first ones enjoyable but I have the feeling the whole plot could and has been summed up on a the back of a cereal box. I’ve been spoiled with epic futuristic movies that have real depth, complex layers, and kick ass action like the Matrix. Lucas doesn’t deliver any of these and fails to make a movie that is both attractive to kids and adults (basking in the nostalgia of the first ones aside). I’ve seen countless movies that pull this off, but not this one.

    The only scene that really grabbed me was Anakin and Obi Wan’s duel and the graphic portrayal of Anakin’s defeat. The opening sequence gets a few geek points for showing how far the technology has come. Lucas will be remembered for the technological advances in moviemaking he drove rather than the quality of these movies, I’m afraid. I am eager to see what else he has in store that he hasn’t had the opportunity to pursue because Star Wars has taken over his life.

  4. I’ll take the Star Wars movies over the Matrix trilogy any day. The original Matrix was outstanding, but the sequels became almost boring with hokey action scenes (Neo fighting 100’s of Agent Smiths at once…), unsastisfying endings and dialogue that repeatedly resorted to incoherence rather than enriching the storyline:

    The Oracle: “It is what it is, Neo.”
    Neo: “Whoa…”
    The Oracle: “And you must choose.”
    Neo: “Choose what?”
    The Oracle: “Only you can know what you must choose.”
    Neo: “Umm… ok.”
    The Oracle: “By the way, I’m not real. I’m a leftover piece of spyware that the virus detector in the Matrix failed to catch. Don’t believe anything I just said…”
    Neo: “Whoa…”

    I’ve never viewed Star Wars as a science fiction movie or even a futuristic movie (it’s set in the past to begin with anyway… Geek Points if you knew that, btw. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…) I think the whole space setting is merely a backdrop. It is the storyline of Star Wars, the Force, the Shakesperean and Biblical characters, the special effects and the overall feel good aspects of these movies that have created and perpetuated the phenomenon of Star Wars.

  5. Comparing the plot and acting in the “Matrix” trilogy to “Star Wars: Next Generation” trilogy is like trying to figure out who which boy band is better or who will pose naked first in Playboy, Lindsay Lohan or Britany Spears: Does it matter?

    Unfortunately, MR has provided the exact dialogue of the last two Matrixes. I think was amazing of the first Matrix is that technology was so advanced at the time that we actually thought that Keanu Reeves was acting. As it turned out, Keanu’s acting was performed by an “acting” double and he performed all non-stunts like looking confused or sleeping. For some reason, the producers got cocky and thought they could pull it off by allowing Keanu read some lines.

    I will post my response once I see “Revenge”. And I apologize in advanced if someone has already pointed this out. Apparently in this galaxy, technology finds a way to diminish and not progress. The equipment in “Star Wars” is far less superior to the technology even when Anakin was pimped out as a child prodigy.

  6. Our first zillionaire flame war! I knew I could get the pot boiling!

    Cryptic, puzzle-like dialogue at least makes me think a little. The infantile dialogue in this last Star Wars did the visuals a disservice. Padme and Anakin in love? That version of love doesn’t strike a nerve in me at all. His internal conflict between the Republic and the Separatists was laughable. There is real human struggle there in concept but it was poorly executed. That’s all I’m saying.

    Wookie planet was a huge letdown. Yoda as a computer graphic was a let-down again. MR’s point about the cane is right on. It doesn’t fit with the Yoda we know in Episode IV just twenty years later that can barely move.

    I absolutely love the imagination that goes into creating the worlds of Star Wars, but I think I could write a better script (or one that appeals to me) and that really gnaws at my ability to like these movies.

    I did like the re-release of THX-1138, George Lucas’s expanded student film set in a dystopian future. But nobody saw that but me I guess.

  7. okay lemme throw down some words. we all know the concept of star wars is actually pretty amazing. george lucas is a genius in creating a world in which we all see and believe. however, he can’t write a script, nor direct a movie. everybody agrees that empire strikes back was the best film of all of them. why? he didn’t write it, nor direct it. hmmm…. could be onto something.

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