It didn’t go well. My Xbox is in another room right now, sobbing. The old adage is true: Breaking up is hard to do.
I put it off as long as I could. When I first laid eyes on the 360, it was really love at first sight. But a lot of guys felt that way about her. The 360 was sleek and beautiful… and completely out of my league. There were so many other dudes vying for her attention in WalMart that day, I figured I didn’t have a chance.
But I rolled the dice, and brushed my way past the 14 year-olds ogling the more superficial features of the 360. I complimented the 360 on her processor, and her hard drive, and made it clear I was interested in her mind as well as her console. They say that video game systems can’t resist a man with confidence, and it was certainly true in this instance.
The 360 and I had so much in common, and we hit it off immediately. There was a palpable electricity running through us, although mine was more metaphorical in nature. Ultimately, we decided to be more than friends. However, before we could begin a hopefully long-term relationship, we both agreed I needed to break things off with the Xbox.
Like most men, I briefly fantasized with the notion of how great it would be to play with two video game systems at once. Of course, I doubt either system would be cool with that arrangement. Sometimes you hear about the exploits of hardcore gamers, and the mind wanders a little. Ultimately though, I think these things are best left to the imagination.
Anyway, last night, the Xbox and I had The Talk. While it was certainly painful, it was better than having the Xbox stumble across the 360 and I sneaking around behind her back to spend an intimate evening together. That would have been awkward for everyone.
It’s just too bad it had to end this way. I always thought that only a fried motherboard could possibly derail our relationship. My Xbox and I sure had some good times. Like when we beat Halo on the “legendary” setting. To this day, this achievement continues to impress prospective employers in job interviews. Together, we battled terrorists, aliens, and super-villains. We literally saved the universe hundreds of times. I told the Xbox we could still be friends, and I meant it.
But it’s time to move on. While the 360 is certainly capable of playing the old Xbox games, I think it might be a little disrespectful for me do so. I don’t want the 360 to think I’m harboring any feelings for the Xbox. For that reason, I’m also going to take down all the pictures of the Xbox and I on display in my living room. I want the 360 to know I’m committed to this relationship.