Valentine’s Day Excuses

Good one. You forgot to get a Valentine’s Day gift for your wife or girlfriend. I’ve been there myself. The good news is you can survive this. Just don’t panic. And whatever you do, don’t use one of the excuses below:

1. “I thought we were saving money right now?”
The classic excuse. Unfortunately, this isn’t your call. Your wife dictates when you are saving money, usually by vetoing the purchase of new golf clubs or an Xbox 360. Women can be quite frugal in this regard. Sadly, this option doesn’t exempt you from getting her a gift. If anything, since you’re intent on saving money, she’ll question why you didn’t get her a 30-year savings bond for Valentine’s Day.

2. “I thought Valentine’s Day didn’t apply once you were actually married.”
It does seem kind of pointless. I guarantee there are some newlywed men out there are nodding in agreement on this one. Unfortunately, they will learn this lesson the hard way.

3. “You know, they double the price of flowers on Valentine’s Day.”
Look, I’m willing to be gouged at Chevron, because gas is useful. Same with Comcast, because cable TV is a necessity. But I refuse to be gouged at the florist. It’s a matter of principle.

4. “I thought you wanted to just have a quiet dinner alone, just the two of us.”
Of course, we all know she means a quiet dinner in a crowded restaurant.

5. “You know I don’t want to be spotted shopping at Hallmark.”
If there’s one thing your wife is not concerned with, it’s preserving your street cred.

6. “Aren’t you too old for stuffed animals anyway?”
I strongly advise against using this one. Also, don’t suggest that she’s too fat to receive candy or too homely for lingerie. If nothing else, steer clear of this excuse simply to avoid having to remove something sharp and pointy from your eye socket.

7. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget. I’ve got a big surprise planned for this weekend!
Let the web of lies begin! Use this option only as a last resort. This excuse will buy you some time, at the expense of significantly higher expectations. Normally I’d say you couldn’t live up to them. On the other hand, if you’re seriously consulting this list, chances are her standards are already pretty low.

Good luck gentlemen. And Happy Valentine’s Day Jnet.

6 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day Excuses”

  1. 8. “I couldn’t help but brag about ya today in front of complete strangers…”

    Translation: While doing 60 downtown on the way to get a last minute Valentine’s gift, you rejoice “Have a happy VD!” to all of the hookers. Can’t buy that at Hallmark.

  2. Good list, tho i personally am experiencing the “You don’t need to get me an expensive gift, just some flowers would be nice.” I am currently waiting to hear back from the International Council of Men to see if this is in fact a test or not..

  3. My favorite excuse for forgetting the gift is #23A: I thwarted a terrorist attack while at the mall, and after being interviewed by the local news (which already aired and I forgot to TiVo) I totally forgot your ring.

  4. OK, you totally didn’t make any reference to the “I don’t need anything for valentines day” comment and I am really disappointed.

    If you fall into the trap of listening to them you will know what a cold day in hell feels like.

    And women wonder why men don’t listen to them….

  5. Christ, are we going to have to read about how horrible Valentine’s Day is every year on this site? It’s not going away any time soon, plan for it or guys find a girl that really doesn’t give a shit about it. They are out there, I know tons, call for references.

  6. If you think Valentine’s Day is tough… you should see what you have to do when your wife’s birthday is Valentine’s Day. You have to get two gifts…and if you ever forget…. you’re seriously dead meat.

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