The Chain of Command

Sidenote: I’ve actually been a pretty good husband of late. I came up huge on my wife’s first Mother’s Day. And I’ve been helping out a lot with the new baby… Now, watch me squander all of that goodwill:

As you might have guessed, I am the Head of the Centaur Household. Along with that title, I am also the CEO and CFO of our organization. And I function as the Board of Directors too. Needless to say, we are very top-heavy in our family managerial structure.

As my titles would suggest, I oversee all aspects of the daily operation of the Centaur Conglomerate. However, at certain times, there is a need to delegate authority. For this purpose, I have crafted an organizational chart, illustrating the chain of command in our household.

As expected, the Xbox 360 is second in command, functioning as my deputy and right-hand man. In my absence, the Xbox 360 is left solely responsible for all household operations. My truck, the Manmobile III, then reports directly to the 360, who then reports to me. If both the Xbox 360 and the Manmobile III are unable to fulfill their duties, my wife assumes full command.

Of course, if you pay attention to the Org Chart, you’ll notice that my Original Xbox still holds a significant position of power within our family. This is done mainly as a precaution. While my wife is probably capable of managing the household on her own, she simply doesn’t have the leadership experience of my Original Xbox. Close to retirement, the Original Xbox functions mainly in an advisory role at this point. By having her working closely with the Original Xbox, I’m hoping it will help groom my wife for an executive position someday.

Some may question how the Xbox 360 achieved such a high-ranking position with such a short tenure. Normally, experience and years of loyal service will factor in heavily when deciding promotions. However, the hiring of the Xbox 360 involved special circumstances. The 360 was a heavily sought-after, big money acquisition. We couldn’t bring him on board without offering him a position of authority. While I would have preferred to promote from within, it was the only way to seal the deal.

Thankfully, my wife is accustomed to the glass ceiling in our household. She continues to be a loyal employee, devoting her time to tackling administrative work and handling all of my correspondence. Believe me, her positive attitude will be looked upon favorably in her annual review. And please, don’t feel sorry for my wife’s status in our organization. I’ve offered her countless opportunities to sleep her way to the top.

Finally, I recently decided to create a position for my son. I’m going to station him in the metaphorical mailroom of the household and let him earn his future promotions. He will report directly to the barbeque for all personnel matters, like getting vacation time approved and so forth. The barbeque will keep me regularly apprised of Charlie’s progress, and once a quarter I will give him an unbiased evaluation of his potential for advancement. As my wife can attest, there’s no room for nepotism in this organization.

9 thoughts on “The Chain of Command”

  1. Matt, you might want to consider the definition of CFO. Just guess where your check book is right now. I’ll bet it’s in Jeannette’s purse. You remind me of Kenneth Lay (Enron). He claimed to be the CEO, but he had no idea how the money was really handled.

  2. Very funny post. Good to have you back writing again. You’re sure lucky to have a wife with a good sense of humor; I’m sure she appreciates being one level higher in the chain of command than the houseplants.

  3. Take this corporate structure, and put the bbq at the top beside the cell phone and there you have the krusty house hold.

  4. i see your point mr. i completely left the battle station (xbox) out of my chain. now it goes, leigh, mikey (the cat), solo, xbox. i’m still working my way up the ranks.

  5. Jeannette… every opportunity you get… embezzle from the corporation.. he will be so busy with the XBox, he won’t even notice and you can have a hostile takeover of the corporation. :)

  6. Folks, let’s take a minute to analyze the presentation of the Chain of Command. First of all, all arrows (with the exception of one) point downward, illustrating that no one reports back to the CEO in “the chain” of heirarchy. This is an assumption many corporations fail to address, which is often a subliminal indication of the corporation’s very problem: communication breakdown. Next, let’s look at the color scheme. We have black, blue, red and purple. The CEO (black) is equal to the “Houseplants” and “Various Sporting Goods” to name a few. However, despite the chain’s hierarchy, “Charlie” (blue) and “The Xbox 360” share a connection. Interesting. This is a very common sign of spotting the mole in any operation.

    Given all of these indications, it’s clear to me that the only thing working well is “My Wife.” She is obviously in a category of her own (purple) that works consistently with another entity (“The Original Xbox”) and is clearly responsible for overseeing many components in the hierarchy of the one-way chain. I think we all know what’s happening here, people. The corporation is about to undergo some serious restructuring and it all starts with “Charlie,” the mole.

  7. Shizworth, thank you for bringing this to my attention. We might need a round of layoffs or a stricter dress code around here to inspire more allegiance to the Centaur Conglomerate.

  8. I’d be careful to post that org structure. If the shareholders see this structure they might have a a company audit the structure only to find out there are 3 employees in a similar role (centaur, xbox, and man mobile). Now that author anderson is out of picture there is no buying your way out of this audit.

    Now, the dangers of this is that two of your top men might be eliminated (Xbox, and man mobile). If that happened Wife would inevitably be promoted. I am sure that the man mobile would be replaced by a new employee (the Minivan) cheaper and more practical and would report to the wife. I am unsure if shareholders could ever vote to hire another xbox.

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