I’m A Wood Elf Now

Please, don’t shine the light on me. I’m not proud of what I have become.

Whatever you do, don’t buy “Oblivion” for the Xbox 360. It’s a fun game, and addictive as hell, but I feel ridiculously nerdy while playing it. (As if playing video games as a 28-year old isn’t nerdy enough.)

For instance, right now I’m a level 17 Wood Elf, and have joined the Mages Guild to increase my majicka abilities. I have Mithril light armor, and ebony heavy armor. I have a sword that drains willpower and a staff that absorbs the health of my enemies. My shield reflects frost spells, and I roam around in water-walking boots. I’m using an Elven bow and arrow and wear a tunic that resists poison. Last night, I found a sweet Vampire cave that I know will have some Vampire dust and Welkynd stones. In my mythical world of Cyrodil, life is good.

See what I mean? This is what I’ve become.

And the worst part? Much of the game takes place in dungeons and caves, where the lighting is especially dark. I’ve found that if the lights are left on in the Zillionaire Lounge, it creates a glare on the TV screen and I can’t see in these darkened environments. To combat this, I turn off all the lights, and play the game in the pitch black in my basement. I seriously feel like a mole. A nerdy, nerdy mole.

And since I can’t see the clock in the darkness, I lose all track of time too. The last two nights I’ve been up past midnight fighting Goblins with my Dwarven battle-axe.

My god. I never thought I could succumb to this level of nerdiness. Others of you are probably not that surprised.

Regardless, please don’t shine the light on me. You won’t like what you see, and it hurts my pupils to adjust.

19 thoughts on “I’m A Wood Elf Now”

  1. impressive. i picture jeanette and charlie upstairs doing family things while you’re looking for frodo trying to save the princess. just one thing though, how is this different than you looking for the rockets ordering krusty to get on a turret.

  2. WOW I you have done the impossible. I never would have thought that you could have raised your nerdiness level without actually wearing a pocket protector. I would’nt feel to bad until you find yourself attending Oblivion conferences dressed as a wood elf. I also love that you in no way distinguish the diference between you and your character. Well done mcfly.

  3. UPDATE:

    I have been searching various caves and fortresses for a magical tunic that resists acne, poor hygiene and obesity.

    At the rate I’m going, I have a strong feeling that these afflictions will soon befall me…

  4. Come on Centaur, you surrendered to nerdness way before Oblivion and probably before Halo 2 as well (as did I).

    You can’t say that wood elves, magic tunics and battle axes are more nerdy than the covenant elite, warthogs and brute shots!

    I’m just sayin’!

  5. I am a Breton skilled as a battle mage. im the listener of the dark brotherhood, grand champion of the arena and soon to be leader of the fighters guild. only mages and thieves guilds left. i have on an amulet boots armor helm and a ring all with 20% chameleon. thats 100% chameleon, i am invisible!. noone can see me unless i break the law, then i resist arrest and the gaurd lose sight of me. i think im lvl 13 or something. oblivion is what i did when my dog chewed up my headset. now that i got a new one im back to halo, but i know how you feel about being a nerd.

  6. Philnick,
    Please, let’s not engage in the debate of which of my video game pursuits is nerdier. Let’s just agree that both are powerfully uncool.

    And Anubis,

    Stop. Just stop right there. 100% Chameleon? The Wood Elf in me just experienced level 17 arousal.

  7. yeah, I found a 20% chameleon sigil stone from an obliv gate and duped it 5 times and used it on my armor rings amulet and helm, its freakin awesome. I also have a 20 to strength on rings armor amulet helm and shield. I can carry like 550 pounds with it on.

  8. I own the game. I got to the first oblivion gate outside this church and the minute I go outside these skeletons kill me.

    I put Oblivion on the shelf next to Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (which I put there after I spent a week trying to save the Mexican Vice President to no avail). I suspect Tiger Woods will be on the shelf soon too, because I can’t hack the putting system.

    I used to be so good at Decathalon, though, on the Apple //e.

  9. I think the Google ads should be incorporated into a rating scale of the content of each post. How nerdy or cool is the post? Just take a look at the Google ads that came up for it. For example, this post elicits such ads as Dungeons and Dragons miniatures and handbooks, low-priced swords (as if any price was too high to pay for a good sword), and a Free Miniature Dragon. On the nerd scale, this one is off the charts!

  10. For Gods Sake man, get a hold of yourself! Next time I see you you’re going to have skin the color of this background, pink eyes, and multiple twitches. Guess it won’t be that different…

  11. Interesting post. Sorry I didn’t comment sooner. I just wrapped up a three-day long game of Risk 2210, the boardgame. Risk 2210… what’s that, you ask? It’s an update to the classic, of course, but this time set in the future, the year 2210 to be exact, and there is a moon board as well as underwater colonies. And all the geographic borders are completely different. There are some pretty major rule changes too that make for a more balanced gameboard but I won’t bore you with the all the details. Let’s just say I’m ten times nerdier than you and be done with it.

  12. ahh, nerdy games. I once played Dungeons and Dragons from 3 o’clock in the afternoon until 8 o’clock the next morning. my friend was a she orc barbarian with a charisma of 20. In normal terms she was a green skinned Anna Kornicova ( or however you spell it, doesn’t matter, i would only know if it was printed on her undies…anyway)She went through a hoboken camp and got raped by the hoboken king. we got really, REALLY bored by the end of that game. BTW with that story-I WIN!!!

  13. I’m pleased to announce I just bought a house in the town of Anvil for 5000 pieces of gold. It’s a fixer-upper, but that’s ok. I just need a place to store excess weaponry and armor.

    Anyway, the housewarming party is this weekend. I’m not expecting gifts, but if you’re interested, I’m registered at the Colovion alchemy shops and armories. And, if you can find one, a Varla stone would look great on my mantle.

  14. Pffft, I’ve played it through (to all 1000 gamer points) twice now :) I’ll be starting it again soon…

    Recently played Morrowind again. Now that… that is a game.

  15. What so nerdy about being 28 and playing Oblivion. I´m 41 and a father of three, and I find it VERY relaxing to be an Wood elf with soft shoes and a bow every now and then! At least wood elfs don´t change diapers.

  16. oblivion is the best game ever..

    i have two charcters

    1.nord. level 43

    2.wood elve level 17

    the game is the best ever made an i dnt see any game ever bein better… an the ps3 version has better graphics than that xbox lol be cool if the next elder scroll game is can be online aswell as havin all the provinces in cryodill together (with shivering isles)

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