Fast Food Nation of the Future

Eyes open. Take in breath. Check face for drool. Start new day.

Look at clock. Weird. Flashing 12:00. Power outage?

Mirror reveals self. Self brushing teeth. Notice crow’s feet next to my eyes. Truth is nobody’s getting any younger. Relax. Smile and wink to self.

Why is my heart racing so early in the morning? I wonder if hers ever does.

I should write something for Internet Zillionaire. Krusty is waiting to be served. Knife and fork in hand, demanding his kingly meal. Methinks Captive Lion is on the menu. Cooked rare. Nearly raw.

Or perhaps I’ll go into Manhattan and get food. Ride the subway, get some people-watching in. Start the day off Walt Whitman-style.

“Crowds of men and women attired in the usual costumes! how curious you are to me!

On the ferry-boats, the hundreds and hundreds that cross, returning home, are more curious to me than you suppose;

And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me, and more in my meditations, than you might suppose.”

-Walt Whitman, “Crossing Brooklyn Ferry”

He knew what he was talking about.

Step outside. Breath. Quiet morning. Subway brakes are loud because the station and train are empty. I walk on and sit down. My journal makes a breathing sound as I open it. Should I check the corners of its pages for drool too as it wakes up? I put the journal away as quickly as I got it out. I don’t have anything to write in there.

I remember laughing really hard a few times this week. I laugh all the time, but I like to remember the times I laugh really hard. If I laugh until tears, I won’t forget that moment for weeks. I think it’s one of the best feelings on earth. That’s why I assemble my laughs into a weekly highlight reel that I can play back in my mind.

So this last week, a few friends and I went to this Indian restaurant that served the biggest pieces of Naan bread I’ve ever seen. Big Naan bread is funny in and of itself, but these pieces were also oblong. If you held up a whole piece it looked like a giant Championship Wrestling belt. Despite its size, it tasted great. I thought to myself, Naan bread should be for sale everywhere. In corner stores, supermarkets, and fast food restaurants. Nonstop Naan!

In fact, fast food restaurants with their standard burger and fries fare are having to compete with a lot more international cuisines out there these days. Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean, and even Mongolian food are all the rage. I bet in the next few years the fast food giant’s menus will change to reflect the growing demand for ethnic foods. And if their menus change, their names should change too. Just think of the tasty possibilities:

  • Long Naan Silver’s
  • McNaanald’s
  • Kentucky Tandori Chicken
  • Dunkin’ Dim Sum
  • Pizza Yurt
  • Kimchi Bell
  • Burger Wok
  • Goat and Sheep Milk Queen
  • Star Fruit Julius
  • Wasabway
  • Mahjong’s Pizza
  • General Tso in a Box

I can’t wait for the mall near me to get a Burger Wok in the food court.

5 thoughts on “Fast Food Nation of the Future”

  1. I would love to get some Pizza Yurt during the Superbowl tomorrow. Unfortunately, they deliver by rickshaw, and there are a couple big hills in my neighborhood. It would probably be cold by the time it arrived…

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