Several years ago, the Best Buy CEO addressed the executive board about naming their new team of in-store tech supportâ€¦
Ok, let’s get this meeting started. First off, I think weâ€™re all in agreement that the marketing name of this new group of computer repair specialists is critical. We really want to stand apart from the competition here. To do that, I have a radical idea. Instead of lauding the professionalism or technical skills of our tech-support employees, I want to play up the stereotype that anyone with knowledge about computers is a socially awkward loser.
Thatâ€™s right, I think the naming of our tech-support service ought to demean our employees by associating them with the lowest pariah of American society: the nerd. And our job here today is to craft a name for our technicians that will cast them as pathetic introverts to the general public.
Here is my vision: Imagine one of our tech employees strikes up a conversation with a pretty girl heâ€™s hoping to impress. Now, when she asks him where he works, I want her to laugh in his face when he tells her. Then, I want her to run over to her friends so that they can all laugh at him as well. Thatâ€™s the kind of brand association weâ€™re going for here.
Now, maybe youâ€™re asking, â€œWhy go to this length to belittle and disparage our own employees?â€ Itâ€™s simple. When our customers drop off their computer for repair work, I want them to think that our technicians are such dateless, social misfits that they will have no higher priority on a Saturday night than fixing computers. That translates to peace of mind for the consumer.
Look at it this way, would you want to take your laptop in for repair to a tech support group called â€œReally Cool Guys That Party and Associate with Femalesâ€? Of course you wouldnâ€™t. Your laptop would probably come back covered with beer stains and the disk drive would be stuffed with used condoms.
Thatâ€™s why weâ€™re going to go in the total opposite direction. Here are some names Iâ€™ve come up with so farâ€¦
Celibate Squad: Now, this name clearly labels our employees as social outcasts. This is good. Unfortunately, I feel it should also convey that they possess some underlying technical abilities as well. We’ll have to scratch this one.
Introvert Brigade: I really like this one. However, from a marketing standpoint, it has probably got too many syllables, and it just doesnâ€™t roll off the tongue.
Nerd Team: Personally, I love the word â€œnerd.â€ It perfectly embodies the stereotypes weâ€™re trying to perpetuate. The only sticking point is that the word “team” is most often associated with athletics. It just seems like too much of an oxymoron.
Loser Force: This one might be too harsh.
The A/V Club: While this is not an especially catchy name, I do think this would help with new employee recruitment at local high schools.
And finally, my personal favorite: Geek Squad. In the olden days, a â€œgeekâ€ was a freakish circus performer. Nowadays, the word â€œgeekâ€ has evolved to refer to someone with eccentric nerdiness. A broad word like this gives us a lot of latitude in denigrating our employees in advertising. Honestly, is â€œGeek Squadâ€ perfect or what?
I can see lots of nodding. I think itâ€™s pretty unanimousâ€¦ Geek Squad it is!
Thatâ€™s good for now. Letâ€™s set up a meeting next week to discuss the uniform. Obviously, weâ€™ll make them wear bleached white shirts with clip-on ties. Iâ€™ll make sure we get some pocket-protectors in there too. Oh, and someone should contact the legal department to see if we could contractually force the â€œGeek Squadâ€ employees to get braces and bad haircuts as well.
All right, this meeting is adjourned. Letâ€™s get some lunch.