Final Results of the Zillionaire Bracket Pool

The NCAA tournament is over, and the results of the Zillionaire pool are final. Here are some noteworthy scores:

14th Place: (Dead Last): My Wife, score of 150.
13th Place: Logan, score of 195. Keep in mind, Logan is eleven months old, and his parents helped him fill out a bracket by having him point to various toys representing teams in the tourney. This process resulted in Albany (a #13 seed) making it to the Final Four in his bracket. Somehow, he still demolished my wife. Kind of puts her bracket in perspective.
11th Place: Moira, score of 234: An early leader in the tourney, her downfall was putting faith in the WSU Cougars to overachieve in a pressure-filled environment. Silly girl.
7th Place: The Captive Lion, score of 242. Nothing remarkable here, I just want to illustrate who finished one spot ahead in the standings…
6th Place: The Centaur, score of 244. Sixth place never tasted so sweet.
5th Place: Maleah, score of 257. (Incidentally, her husband, Krusty, finished 9th. He is currently hiding in shame.)
4th Place: Amy, score of 268.
3rd Place: Leigh, score of 278. Leigh caps off a nice showing by the ladies in the tourney. Thanks for playing ladies, you really helped class up this event.
2nd Place: Booth, score of 280.

And the winner, Jon Solo, with a score of 321. Amazingly, he correctly picked all of the Final Four teams, and the outcomes of all three Final Four games. This was truly a remarkable performance by Solo. One for the ages.

Solo, as promised, I do hereby bestow upon you bragging rights for an entire year. Also, I grant you permission to be an insufferable braggart whenever the topic of the tourney comes up. And if you desire, I will address you by a nickname befitting your bracket-related skills, perhaps something like “Professor Bracketstein” or “The Amazing Bracketini.” Your call.

Finally, there is one other award to present: “Best Impromptu Rap Lyrics Posted in the Group Message Board.”

Here is the lone entry, by The Captive Lion.

when was the last time i balled?

rain on the blacktop
means no game
the laws of nature
silence the swish of the chain
fold up my FILA shorts
and put away my hightops
peel off my extra-thick
double-layered sweatsocks
no dunkhoops today
no shake n’ bake for the sport
the only move i’m gonna make
is a stopoff at the foodcourt

On that note, let me wish a final congratulations and thanks to Jon Solo for teaching us all the true meaning of March Madness. And thanks to everyone that played along. We’ll be sure to do it again next year.

12 thoughts on “Final Results of the Zillionaire Bracket Pool”

  1. believe me i know how crazy my brackets turned out. i’ve been getting mad love from people who weren’t even in our pool. unfortunately i know that this was probably a once in a lifetime experience, and i put ZERO money down. i did some of the math, i could of won 5 g’s if i only put 20 bucks in. standard. big shout out to my girl, this was her first pool. everyone involved, it was fun.

  2. This year’s pool was crap. Call me a poor-sport but I thought the bragging rights were to start AFTER the championship game. In the week leading up to Florida’s win, both Solo and Leigh were ruining my every day with their gloating. Seriously, picture those medieval kings who only eat giant turkey legs with grease all over their face demanding me to “check the standings” on my laptop. How many times do you need to “check the standings?” And put down the greasy turkey leg Solo, it’s disgusting!

    In actuality I think Jeannette should get the maddest of all the mad props. I almost think what she did is statistically more unique than Solo. She racked up so few points it’s like she just got the points for spelling her name correctly on the SAT and that’s it. Amazing. She lost to something with basically a squirrel’s brain (no offense Booth, Logan is just a baby and will grow out of it, I know. I am well-versed in child development.). Yet she is a smart person so this may well be the “most diabolical scheme ever hatched.” OMG!!! Did she just shoot the moon!?! OMG, call Guinness (Book of World Records)! Has anyone ever “shot the moon” in the NCAA tourney!!!!

    And I guess I shouldn’t feel as special as I do about my award considering I was the only eligible entry in the category due to its acute specificity, but I am looking forward to the printout and handshake ceremony nonetheless.

    I would like to dedicate it to my father who always wanted to me to write a rap about the final four to sell to the television channel covering the tournament to use during their broadcast and commercials.

  3. I appreciate the call out Lion. Actually I was looking at it like golf, low score wins.

    Truth is I tried really hard and thought I had a good bracket going. I saw the part about how upsets got extra points and to put all my money in the upset basket. Unfortunately my plan backfired.

    Guess next year I’ll be consulting Logan for advice, clearly he knows more than me on the subject.

  4. Alright, I am officially making the comment section on this post into an online petition.

    Back when we were in high school, The Captive Lion wrote and recorded a rap song about our favorite hobby: playing dunk hoops at an elementary school. The song is entitled “Blacktop and Chains” and it is easily the greatest song ever written by anyone.

    Perhaps if we gather enough “signatures” he’ll post it on this site. I’m thinking if we can get 20 or so of our readers to express interest, that will qualify as sufficient peer pressure for him to release the track online for the first time.

    Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

  5. Jeanette, I’ll gladly consult with you and/or Charlie on future selections. Although I’m still not sure what I was thinking with Albany.

    And The Centaur should feel very fortunate that Florida beat Ohio State. Otherwise, my mom would have beat him (again).

  6. I still hum that toe-tapper…”blacktop, baby, you know it” Let me be the second to request that you post it.

  7. Add my signature to the list – I’d pay a pretty penny for the original studio version of “Blacktop and Chains.”

    There’s just nothing like watching teenage boys play bball for blood and bragging rights on an 8 foot hoop.

    I can almost smell the dirty asphalt at Mt. Stuart now…or maybe it’s the cows in the pasture next to the playground.

  8. OK, you punks. You’re just glad nobody put a paper with the bracket in front of me because if I had the chance to spit up my choices, you all would have been disappointed losers.

    now go gloat while I’m still in diapers and I don’t have the ability to use the computer and log on to pick my teams.

    I’LL SEE YOU…. in hell.

  9. I am disgusted that I lost to Solo that bad. Oh well always next year when I pick the Spencer Hawes led Washington Huskies to win it all.

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