What the Discovery Channel Doesn’t Tell You About Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs are more famous now than when they were alive and ruled the planet. They are the Elvis of the Animal Kingdom. This is in large part to the Discovery Channel which promotes and disseminates a pro-Dinosaur agenda nearly 24 hours a day. Surely, no advertisers are demanding this content. The target audience is extinct after all. Who is really behind this Paleozoic propaganda and what are they not telling you? I turned off my TV and started doing some of my own research about dinosaurs and have had some very disturbing revelations. Are these really the kind of creatures we want to dig up and display in our museums? Should we be giving them cute voices in animated movies so our kids fall in love with them? The following facts might change your mind.

Dinosaurs had slaves.

Not human ones, of course. Their version was much more insidious, in fact. They enslaved anything with tusks. It would turn your stomach if you saw how the tusked were treated back then.

Dinosaurs were illiterate.

Not a single one ever learned to read in 160 million years! Guess that college degree is a few more years off! And it also explains why we aren’t studying the writings of the great Hemingwayasaurus Rex.

Dinosaurs were atheist.

The majority of Pterodactyls were followers of Ragzor, Beast-master of the Skies, but by and large nearly all other dinosaurs were godless. Jesus has been suspiciously quiet on this topic, however, suggesting some sort of cover up.

Dinosaurs were pedophiles.
Archaeologists have found skeletons of male dinosaurs perched suggestively next to nests of young, unhatched dinosaurs, still in the egg even.

Dinosaurs were nudists.
These perverts didn’t wear clothes by choice, not evolutionary circumstance.

With these facts, one thing is clear.  The Discovery Channel is only giving us one side of the story.  The only question now is just how much dirt should we dig up on the dinosaurs?

8 thoughts on “What the Discovery Channel Doesn’t Tell You About Dinosaurs”

  1. You have way to much time on your hands. This was a funny post but I’m worried about you. The state mind you were in to write this can’t be good.

  2. Here’s the main thing the Discovery Channel leaves out regarding their extinction: True, dinosaurs may have had brains the size of a walnut, but most likely the dinosaurs just didn’t apply themselves. They could have taken night classes. There are programs out there. The dinosaurs simply weren’t self-motivated.

  3. i sometimes wonder how many dinosaurs have lived in my building. either hopped on a ferry, or worked in brooklyn, they didn’t have subways back then.

  4. Krusty, you could be concerned or you could give me a little credit and read this as a not-so-subtle satire of the modern world we live in where politics and television news media collide, enemies are created using tried and true strategies of dehumanization, and we line our museums with portraits of generals whose imperfections have long been forgotten.

  5. rumour has it that complete groups of dinosaurs went on war with other groups for no more reason then that they ate grass!

    methods used back then were, let’s say – gruelsome when merely looking at the systematic and organised way “others” were terminated or ‘cancelled’ from air flight.

    total collapse soon followed for these otherwise calm societies.

    luckily, more and more become aware of this hidden history – but the inner truth shall prevale! Unite and tell others…

    ^ γιδω ^

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