I’ve been enthralled with the Dominos pizza tracker for many years. The first time I ordered online was an experience like no other. I chose thin crust, as opposed to hand tossed, with regular marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese, pepperoni and banana peppers. “Muhammad has prepared your pizza and put it in the oven.” I immediately chose the Jamaican themed tracker. The sound of the ocean and a quasi Jamaican accent serenades me of the progress of my creation.
“Your order is going into the oven.” (said in a Jamaican accent) My mouth begins to water in anticipation for the salty delight. I patiently wait while listening to Reggae muzak and another update chimes. “Muhammad is double checking your order for quality.” I like the sound of that. Dominos has become the Apple computers of fast food pizza chains, constantly updating your product, like iTunes. Another few minutes go by, “Jose is on his way!” Thirty minutes later the pizza arrives and I couldn’t be happier. I tip $5.00 and begin to feast.
Fast forward four years later. The pizza is still bad and it takes longer to get your order. In reality this is what the tracker is telling you.
“Muhammad hastily put your toppings in a haphazard manner and threw it in the oven.” 20 minutes later, another update. “Muhammad is NOT double checking your pizza for quality because he went outside to have a smoke.” The best part is when the pizza is done and is “ready for delivery,” but sits untouched for another 40 minutes. The update chimes in, “your arder is getting cold mon.” From ordering to receiving, an hour and half has past, and I’m tired of Reggae muzak. Next time I’ll try the baseball theme, “your order is striking out, and you should’ve gone to Pizza Hut.”
Also published on Medium.