Internet Zillionaire

Once again, Solo’s back in the hizzy (house)! Don’t worry I’m not going down that road again. Instead of explaining myself, I thought I’d set this up with a somewhat daily encounter with me.

Will: Hey man, you know my wife’s Korean right?
Solo: Yeah, I could tell. Could you tell I was half-Korean when you met me?
Will: It was crazy when I found out, cause I have half-Korean nephews, but when I first met you I was like, dude he’s totally Mexican.

Being from a small town, I was mainly around White people. The only Asians I knew when I was a child was my mom and her sister. But it never occurred to me that I was halfway between Asian and White. I thought I was white until the 2nd grade. My best friends in Elementary school had very white skin, while mine seemed like it never lost it’s summer tan. Still it never occurred to me that I looked any different than anyone else.

After high school I moved onto college in Seattle, Washington. It’s more diverse than Ellensburg, but I still felt White. My first experience of feeling different than a white kid was the first day of ensemble class with my mixed Black and Spanish professor, Hadley.

Hadley: Hey man, how you doing?
Solo: Pretty good.
Hadley: Man I’m glad to see you here at this music school, I’m feeling like a lot of young brothers these days are missing out on their roots.
Solo: What?
Hadley: You know what I’m talking about.

Tru dat Hadley! Not really though. See, I’d been totally white in my mind for 18 years at that point. Then this guy comes along and assumes I’m either Black or Spanish in one meeting. That’s when I realized the world sees you literally, at face value. It’s never angered me though. If anything, it’s probably helped me in life. I’m able to sway between different races without breaking a sweat. And doing this I’ve observed one noticeable likeness of all people. Everybody’s the same!

Old Spanish Lady: Que hora, es?
Solo: What?
Old Spanish Lady: Que hora es?!?
Solo: Oh, no halbo espaniol.
Old Spanish Lady: Okay, what time is it?
Solo: 2:30.
Old Spanish Lady: Gracias, now you say, de…nada.

Then she walked off with her nose in the air. She was disappointed with me cause apparently to her, I didn’t know my native language. I did study 2 years of Spanish in high school, and I actually knew what she was asking. I just don’t like to pretend I can speak their language cause everybody here thinks I’m Spanish. I can’t walk into a corner store without the clerk telling me the amount in pesos. It’s crazy.

I guess I don’t really know what this post is about. None of these things bother me, their just experiences in my life that make me laugh. The way I see it, none of these things really matter. Maybe I’m human form of a chameleon in people’s minds. Once they can register a look in their head of what I am, they can act accordingly. Whatever the case may be, it makes for funny stories.

Solo: Hey I noticed your last name is Kim, you’re Korean, right?
Korean neighbor: Yeah.
Solo: Cool, that’s my mom’s maiden name.
Korean neighbor: (Confused) What…..wait, you’re mom’s Korean.
Solo: Yeah, my dad’s White from America, she’s originally from Seoul. I’m mixed.
Korean neighbor: (Examines my face) Ooooooooh, naw man I don’t see that at all.

One love.

For those of you still using free Hotmail or Yahoo! email accounts, there is a better alternative out there now. It’s from Google and it’s called Gmail. You can only sign up if you have an invitation so I thought I’d be nice and dole out some invitations this week. Google has a tour of the new service so you can see how it works. Post a comment if you want an invite.

Update: Whirlyball highlight reel has been archived: whirlyball.mov.

Weekend Recap by MR

Truthfully, I wasn’t going to do a write-up on our weekend in Seattle from a few weeks ago… I mean, honestly, how many stories about Krusty loosing his ID can the Internet support? Anyway, I couldn’t resist, here’s a couple highlights…

First off, hail to Whirlyball… The new Official Sport of Zillionaires. Other nominees for this distinction included: bocce ball, horseshoes, dunk hoops, paintballing, shuffle puck, and fox hunting.

As expected, a round of the Ding! Ding! game erupted during a 24-story ride in the elevator of a luxury hotel. Unfortunately, Krusty’s friend Rossi didn’t understand the “rules” involved, and simply grabbed Krusty’s neck and started bashing his head against the wall of the elevator. Not cool, man. Not cool. As everyone knows, the Ding! Ding! game is not a barbaric fight to the death, but rather, a graceful ballet of cheap shots and sucker punches… Sadly, Rossi’s actions robbed the Ding! Ding! game of its artistry.

While we’re on the subject, I’m not sure why the Ding! Ding! game always seems to flare up in elevators. Perhaps it’s the confined space. It could be the ring-like atmosphere. I can’t explain it, but elevators just seem to be the favorite venue for the Ding! Ding! game. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t ride in an elevator any more without subconsciously protecting my genitals.

We stopped for a few pitchers at the Pike Pub Brewery on Saturday afternoon. We sat in a back booth, pounding beers, completely unaware of the celebrities in our midst. Thankfully, Dave was there to point out that the table across the bar was filled with famous Internet-related icons, including the developer of the software that powers this website. In unison, the rest of us glanced over, nodded, and then resumed drinking our beer. But in Dave’s world, we were in the presence of rock stars. For the rest of the afternoon, Dave watched them from across the room, plotting his approach…

As we were leaving the bar, Dave made his move. He walked up to their table, introduced himself, began praising their products, and thanked them for their contributions to the Internet world. He didn’t actually use the phrase, “I’m your biggest fan,” but he came damn close. Since he had pretty much morphed into a groupie at this point, I was relieved that he didn’t end up tossing his panties and room key onto their table. Thankfully, the guys were cool about it and actually seemed to appreciate Dave’s adulation, even though it meant autographing his cleavage…

As you can imagine, we Zillionaires have amassed our respective fortunes in a variety of different ways. However, most of us still have significant holdings in childhood investments diversified between baseball cards, Garbage Pail Kids, and Star Wars action figures. Naturally, we made a point of venturing over to the vintage toy store at Pike Place to check on the value of our portfolio. Thankfully the cash value of these investments is still strong, meaning I will someday be able to retire securely as a Garbage Pail Kids tycoon.