Internet Zillionaire

Editor’s Note: This post has nothing to do with babies.

Jack Black. He’s a good guy. I know. I saw him. In person. What a thrill! And I can tell that we share many things in common. As he was standing there behind the big glass window, it was clear that we both have a distaste for dealing with fans in their mid-twenties who stare at celebrities through big glass windows.

Colin Farrell. Also cool. Quieter than you would think. Likes to doodle in a notebook. Can just chill and have a coffee. He can just hang with one other dude too. He doesn’t need a whole entourage. I feel like in that way we are similar as often you’ll find me hanging with just one other person. We both think it’s easier to make decisions in smaller groups rather than larger ones I guess.

Quick fact: Since I’ve been living in Brooklyn, I’ve seen a bunch of famous people.

Regular fact: Most have not known who I am.

Drawn-out fact: The guy from the Office, John Krasinski, waits, sorta just like everyone else, sorta near the line to get in to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre, but goes in just a hair before everyone else. But, me, going in 20 minutes later, gets to sit right behind him. We both like to swig on a beer while watching improv. We both have similar senses of humor, as judged by paying attention to which parts of the show made us laugh simutaneously. But the biggest thing I noticed is that I think we are both beginning to feel more comfortable in our own skin.

I will tell you this, however. Bobby DeNiro doesn’t just produce or direct the upcoming blockbuster The Good Shepard. He also waits in a trailer and then occasionally get outs, walks right by me, nods, and then proceeds to act in the mother.

But that’s not all. He also enlists an A-list club of actors to support him. I saw Matt Damon chatting with some friends as he made his way to act in the film opposite Robert DeNiro. Matt Damon wrote and starred in my old favorite movie Good Will Hunting so you can imagine the tickle I got when he ignored me and just kept walking by. If you can’t imagine it, it was a rather short but sweet tickle that felt like a dandelion brushing up against my cheek.

Moby wasn’t as cool. Apparently everybody and their grandma has seen Moby. I, in fact, thought I might just be seeing a lookalike so I made a mental note of a distinct tattoo he had on the back of his neck. It was a cross. And as you can see from this photo, Moby has a cross of a tattoo on the back of his neck. So it’s an official Moby sighting, Mom! Be proud… for once!

I am a celebrity magnet. I am also a magnet that celebrities seem to be able to pretend doesn’t exist. I am also unable to control said magnetism a la Magneto, so it’s not really anything special or evil.

Ending fact: Someday I hope to have pictures to document some of these things. For now, you will have to believe that I saw guy who is inside the Big Bird costume. And you will have to believe that he was very similar to me in that we both think children are important.